Jake Morgendorffer Must Die
by Miz-KTakase
Summary: The 5th spinoff of our "Yuki-Haruka-Verse" showcase. Taking place after Season 5 of the main story, this is the story of how Kazuto Iizuka, AAW Operative, becomes the President of Earth, and feuded with a man, beloved by all, who was a consultant, and survived a heart attack. Rated M for language, violence, and mild drug use.
1. Chapter 1

At AAW HQ, Kazuto Iizuka and Hajime Yagi are in the office, having a relaxing day. However, they got a phone call from Kanaka Nanase, their boss. Yagi answered it and said, "Hello, Commissioner?"

Kanaka said, "Ha, ha, very funny. Turn on your TV."

Yagi grabbed a remote control and turned on her small 19-inch television. It showed the head of President Nixon, making a speech to the union.

He said, "Fellow Earthlings, this is your president, on a global announcement to all… With my accusations being disapproved, we must be able to present ourselves for the future. From now on, until the end of time, ALL your funds will go to ME, so I can build us an AU-Mind Fuck Shield, preventing _any_ future disasters! NIXON RULES! AROOOOO!"

Yagi gasped, "Sweet suffering Saint Sebastian on a sousaphone in a short story by Susan Sontag! Kanaka, I am watching it, right now!"

Kanaka said, "Hajime, Old Man, you are on the case, right? I want you two to stop Nixon's assault on the economy, before things get out of hand."

Yagi asked, "But how can we? We are powerless to arrest the Earth President; not even the head of a well-known, yet controversial U.S. President."

Kanaka remarked, "Well, this is all I can say to you, then… _This_ is where my favor from Robin Mask comes in. Send me proof of his so-called _economy_ shield, and if it's a farce, we'll have him on the ropes, and his diplomatic immunity will be revoked."

Yagi nodded, "We're on the way! Signing off!"

She hung up and said, "Kanaka said that President of Earth, Richard Nixon's Head, is making up an economy fund, all for his new shield. However, I smell _another_ of the corrupt President's crazy new law. That is the _fifth_ law he's made, this month alone!"

Kazuto said, "So, what else is new?"

Yagi stated, "Federal mandated group hugs, before, during, _and_ after sporting events… He's curtailing civil liberties! He's endangering the environment!"

"So?"

" _AND_ he's about to institute mandatory _Gun Registration_!"

Kazuto gasped, "BUT AAW HAS GUNS! That's only for emergency missions, only."

Yagi said, "Not for A-Squad. We are always armed."

Kazuto smiled, "That makes two of us."

He held up his pistol and said, "Get the keys."

* * *

 ** _Kazuto & Yagi: A-Squad!  
Jake Morgendorffer Must Die!_**

* * *

 ** _Written by:  
Jerome "Cucumber" Holowitz_**

* * *

Kazuto & Yagi arrive, in their 1980 Dodge Corvette. They parked outside the White House, located in Washington D.C., near the front gate. The car was totaled, in front of the lamppost, near the gate.

"You know this whole thing would've been avoided, if you'd let me drive, Yagi," Kazuto said.

Yagi corrected, "And _I_ would've driven safely, if you didn't keep shouting _"Jersey Devil! Jersey Devil! Put a cap on this one, fella!_ " and covered my eyes, while I was driving, buckethead!"

"Sorry. I thought that lady was a dead ringer for a criminal."

"At least we're not inept and clueless, like the LSAAWS. In any case, we are here in the White House… Well, about feet away from the office."

"Good. Let's hurry up, and soon. I have a score to settle with this _Commander-in-Chief_!"

They approached the front door, but it was blocked by a thin man with a tuxedo, sunglasses, slick hair, and an earphone. He stood in place, as Yagi said to him, "Good afternoon, sir. We're on official AAW business."

Kazuto said, "We'd like to see the President of Earth."

The man said in a stern monotone, "Just a moment, ma'am."

He went to his headset and said, "Papa Bear, this is Superball. Possible situation with young Japanese people in the front door. Trying to gain access to the OO. Please advise, over."

Kazuto asked, "Superball?"

Superball said, "Yeah, that's a negative on the access, over. I'll have to ask you to step away from the White House, please."

Kazuto asked, "You know us, don't you? Does the President know about us?"

Yagi said, "We're from _Alliance Across the World_ , owned by a Kanaka Nanase."

Superball responded, "I am aware of that, ma'am. However, the president does not allow AAW members in his OO."

"What for?"

"He was once arrested by the AAW, before his immunity kicked in."

"I see… How long has he had this _immunity_."

"About many years, through his term of presidency, forever and ever. The man has a tight and ironclad law, since he was elected President of the planet, not too long ago, sir and ma'am."

Yagi remarked, "Look, Miss Nanase told us-."

Superball interrupted, "Either way, ma'am. Orders."

Yagi asked, "What? Did you interrupt me?"

She thought, "This is harder than I thought. Looks like I'll have to-."

The stern Secret Service guy said, "I know what you're saying, and you cannot do that, because it is impossible."

Yagi shouted, "HEY! You cannot listen to my casual asides!"

"It's in the job description, ma'am. Please report your thoughts, soliloquies, and casual asides to the authorities, ma'am."

"Sorry. Ever get tired of guarding that door?"

"It's a rewarding job. Feels great. Keeping the president safe."

Kazuto asked, "Hey, Superball, do you always guard doors?"

Superball said, "It's what I do, sir. I have always had a dream of guarding doors, including nightclubs, bars, and the usual bakeries."

Kazuto said, "He's as tough as a rock."

Yagi said, "So… If we stop President Nixon's Head…"

Superball said, "Which you won't. It's impossible."

Yagi remarked, " _Nothing's_ impossible, and also, shut up!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Anyway, as I was saying, once we stop him, we like your ways of being calm and stern. How would you like to join AAW, in case Nixon 86's you?"

Kazuto said, "Or if the president is no longer in office."

Superball said, "Well, if it involves guarding your boss's door, it's a deal. But I cannot leave the White House. I work in his payroll."

Yagi replied, "Well, I guess so. But that's just in case."

Superball smiled, "It is fine, ma'am. I have my résumé, just in case."

Yagi asked, "What are your hobbies?"

"Varies. Receptionist, maintenance, light groundswork, public relations…"

"Public relations?"

"I'm a people person, ma'am."

"Do your men work, too?"

"Cutbacks, ma'am. Employee reduction and consolidation act in 2003. These sunglasses aren't cheap."

"You make time for everything?"

"It's what I do, ma'am."

Yagi smiled, as she saluted, "Okay, Superball…"

Kazuto asked, "Hey, hold on… Why is he called Superball?"

"Codename, sir. I'm a bouncer. Secret Service humor." He said.

Yagi asked, "And who's _Papa Bear_?"

Superball said, "Section chief. Runs the operation. Protects the president.

Yagi said, "Then, I wanna talk to your manager."

Superball said, "No can do, ma'am. She's with the president."

Yagi asked, "She?!"

Superball stated, "Former lawyer-turned-Secret Service Agent, Helen Barksdale. Codename: _Papa Bear."_

Kazuto laughed, "Oh… Super _ball_ … I get it."

Yagi thought, "Barksdale… That name seemed familiar…"

Kazuto asked, "Is she a dog from that Ed E. Upps Casino?"

Yagi replied, "No, I think I know her from a case we did, long ago."

She said to Superball, "We'll keep in touch. If the President changes his mind, you know where to find us."

Superball said, "Likewise, ma'am. Looking forward to working for you, one day. Before I ask you to leave, what's your rank in AAW?"

Yagi explained to Superball, "Well, I am the leader of A-Squad, our highest rank in AAW. We go by three ranks in AAW, A, B, and C, each with its own unique style. For example, Iizuka and I are A-Squad members, which mean we do _anything_ we want, as long as we go by the book."

Kazuto said, " _Crimefighting, spywork, Intel, computer technicians, TV/VCR repairs…_ "

Yagi said, "We also work through the intergalactic department. B-Squad, however, don't play like that. They are simply covert operations and crime fighting, straight from a comic book. Their members include a soiree of musicians and science officers. They are A-Squad's back-up."

Kazuto continued, "C-Squad is our newbie special forces. All new members start in C-Squad, after intensive testing and training. But they act like B-Squad, except with lighter missions. We, the A-Team, get all the fun."

Yagi said, "Dangerous missions equal dangerous and challenging situations."

Superball said, "Hmm, this sounds like hard work. I'd like to join, ma'am, only in case the president does no longer need me, which isn't for a long time. I have a binding contract to him."

Kazuto asked, "How long?"

"Lifetime, sir. I love my work."

Yagi and Kazuto left, as Superball called to the headset, "Papa Bear, this is Superball. Two perps leaving the entrance, seemed disgruntled. Stay on the lookout, over."

Kazuto asked, "So, how do we beat this guy up? I don't like him, as an AAW Agent."

Yagi replied, as she returned to the car, "Well, we rather not rough him up. These secret service guys hold a grudge. We have to return to HQ, and look up this Helen Barksdale. I know this name, before, but I just cannot place it."

They went to the corvette, as Yagi drove off. She said, "Incidentally, I wonder what he'd be doing, by the door."

Kazuto said, "He's probably waiting for someone to show up."

 **XXXXX**

Back at HQ, Yagi was sitting in her desk, pondering. She thought, "There's got to be a way to get to the Oval Office, without being caught by Superball. We can't go in, since the building is guarded heavily."

She then sent a text message to him, which says:  
 _"Expect two agents from the community, for the assistance of President Nixon's Head. One of them is male, with short hair, and the other is female, wearing glasses. By special order of AAW Boss, Kanaka Nanase, please request clearance."_

She sent the message. However, she got a reply from Superball:  
 _"AAW Clearance approved. However, it must be signed in triplicates. Regulations._ "

Yagi barked, "SHIT! Does he know about us?"

Another message appeared. It said:  
" _Have the two agents in the White House, shortly. Will meet you there. -P_ "

Yagi thought, "P? Who's P? Surely, it's not Superball…"

She said, "In any case, we should be able to get in."

Kazuto returned from Kanaka's office, as he said, "Well, Kanaka said that we'll have to get in, some other way, by her permission. AAW has been already recognized, since Tohru Honda has been destroyed, finally."

She responded, "I just don't know what to do… We're going to need to hunt down Nixon's Head, while looking for this Barksdale character."

She turned on the TV, as Nixon's head was on the desk, facing the camera.

"My fellow Earthlings, we must remember to live life to the fullest, and to keep joy in our hearts, all around the AUs. To that end, I have introduced _mandatory_ psychological examinations to guarantee that all citizens meet the minimum required level of joy and good will."

Kazuto said, "He's like a kinder and gentler Mussolini."

Yagi turned off the TV and said, "Yeah. A lying little Italiano. We're going to have to break into his office, one way, or another. Iizuka, I have a plan. Since we cannot do the same thing we did to him, in the 60s, we'll have to break him, again, fifty years in the making."

"You mean…"

"Yep. He _must_ resign! But we need clues. Also, we cannot divulge that we are AAW agents. Otherwise, the plan will be ruined."

He asked, "But don't you think he'll recognize us?"

She said, "No. He _does_ hold a grudge towards Steven Nevins _and_ Black Dynamite. Remember that case, involving Blue Suede Goo in Daten City, and we almost lost the city to a C-Bomb?"

Kazuto said, "Yeah. Heather and Mizuki told us about that mission, since the boys and Farra cannot say the C-Word."

"We live in a world where tolerance is frowned upon racial slurs, little buddy."

Kazuto replied, "I meant Superball…"

Yagi said, "Leave it to me. He sent me a message that says to call back. I think I know how it's done."

She dialed the phone to Superball and said, "Luckily, I remembered his phone number, on the way here. He's got a small receptionist's desk, which is a phone booth."

Superball called, via the phone, "Yes? Secret Service. This is Agent Superball speaking…"

Yagi said, "This is Agent Hajime Yagi of AAW. I got your message."

Superball responded, "Yes, ma'am. I was calling about the AAW recruitment deal, and also, I want to know how much I will be paid for my services with your boss."

Yagi replied, "Yes… We'll be happy to set up a meeting with Kanaka Nanase, on the phone. Please hold."

Superball responded, "Very well, Ma'am…"

She placed the phone down and shushed Kazuto. She whispered, "Iizuka… to the elevator…"

They crept off, as Yagi and Kazuto entered the elevator. The doors shut, as Yagi sighed, "Damn… I'm going to get a frightening earful from both Kanaka _and_ my phone bill…"

Kazuto asked, "Which is it?"

* * *

At the White House, Yagi and Kazuto arrived at the front gate, as they entered the building. As they walked down the hallway, they approached the door, which says " _Oval Office_ ". Yagi said, "This must be the place."

They entered the door and was met by a woman with brown hair and a black secret service uniform, with shades. She said, "Good afternoon, sir, ma'am. This is the Oval Office, home to President of Office, Nixon's Head."

A man with brown hair and a suit, as well, with shades, snuck into the War Room. Yagi said to the woman, "Yes, uh, we'd like to see Mr. Nixon."

The woman said, "As you will, ma'am. The President is very busy. But we have clearance of _any_ AAW Agent. Are you of AAW Agency?"

Kazuto lied, "WHAT? Uh, oh, no…"

Yagi said, "We are translators for the President."

Nixon's Head said, "Translators, eh? Sounds interesting."

They stood in attention, as Nixon added, "A lot of folks are saying that we're wrong for introducing pudding, but-."

Yagi cleared her throat, and then added, "May we have a talk with you, sir?"

Nixon's said, "No! In fact, you shall _only_ be of my translators. I have a pressing engagement with one of the leading ladies in the city, and will be in a request of helping out the cause."

Kazuto asked, "And who _is_ this lady?"

The woman said, "She goes by the name of Ichikawa. A business woman, with simple facts about the economy, since she is wind of the Economy Shield."

Kazuto asked her, "So, why on earth would you need a translator?"

Nixon's Head replied, "Because… the woman is a blubbering mess that I have no idea what she says!"

Yagi thought, "Worse than I thought. He's loony than a caffeine-addled dingo in an Adelaide maternity ward."

Kazuto said, "I say you make a lot of good points."

Nixon said, "You're hired. But we _won't_ pay you."

Yagi snuffed, "No wonder the economy is down. People are either poor, destitute, or cheapskates."

Kazuto asked, "Hey, there's a War Room here!"

The woman blocked the door, as she said, "No. You have no clearance. The War Room is only available for Wars, only."

Yagi asked, "But we saw a Secret Service Agent go in there."

The woman said, "He has clearance. He's watching TV."

The man appeared and said, "No need to be protective, _Papa Bear_. I'll take it from here."

Yagi asked, "Hey… You look familiar."

The male agent said, "Uh, I don't know what you mean."

Kazuto corrected, "She meant _her_ …"

The woman said, "I don't know what you mean…"

Yagi asked, "Tell me… Do you know of a woman named Helen Barksdale? I used to know her, but the name is on the tip of my tongue."

The woman said, "I do not understand what you're saying…"

The man replied, "Well, we _do_ know another Helen. I think it was _Helen Morgerdorffer_."

Yagi snapped, "That's her!"

The man said, "She was once charged for trying to kill her daughter, Daria Morgendorffer."

Yagi asked, "Daria Morgendorffer?"

The man said, "Died in 2005, at the age of 21, over a mild heart attack. She was almost shot by an unknown sniper, the year before. It was later to be revealed to be Helen Morgendorffer."

Yagi asked, "And the victim who was shot?"

The man replied, "I believe her name was _Farra Stevens_. She took a bullet for the team, in 2004, the year that the event took place. Luckily, she survived the attack. She was in Intensive Care for months, with a cracked shoulder blade; serious injury, but not fatal."

Yagi gasped, "By the flying skateboard of Michael J. Fox! You mean…"

The man said, "No, it happened _before_ the whole AU Mind Fuck."

The woman said, "But that was ancient history…"

Kazuto said, "Do we still remember Daria?"

The woman said, "There's a high school, far away in Highland _and_ Lawndale, called _Daria Morgendorffer Memorial High School._ In any case, they are well-known landmarks, since it opened in 2007."

Yagi asked, "Any particular reason why Helen wanted to kill Daria?"

The woman said, "Daria… ahem! Miss Morgendorffer was being bullied in her life, and her mother often scolds and lectures her for being moody. Helen Morgendorffer became a pariah, after the detectives caught her with a sniper rifle. If Farra got shot in the head, she'd die, completely…"

Kazuto asked, "Is it because she's a witness?"

Yagi thought, "Hmm… I think there was a story to that."

The man said, "Reflective lenses in her glasses. Miss Stevens viewed the attacker, after she and Miss Morgendorffer shared a laugh. Just when they patched things up, Miss Stevens shoved Miss Morgendorffer down, took the bullet, and was out cold for months. Hard woman, pure heart. That's Farra for you-, I mean Miss Stevens."

Kazuto sighed, "One day, I'm going to go back in time and view this moment… So defining…"

Yagi replied to the agents, "Ignore him. He just loves to see someone get shot. He's motivated that way."

The man nodded, "Noted, ma'am."

Yagi asked, "So, why the War Room?"

The man said, "It's a private club for people who aren't annoying me. You two aren't invited. And also, it opens automatically for all, around the office, in case war goes on."

Yagi said, "That's interesting. Two for the War Room, please."

The woman said, "Sorry, you two. Nothing doing."

The man said, "We can't showcase the War Room to _anyone_."

Kazuto sighed, "Aw, man… You know, if _I_ were president, I make things a _little_ different."

The man said, "You could, but it's not easy. President of Earth is a huge responsibility."

The woman laughed, "But I don't think _you_ will be one, with us around."

The man growled, as Yagi said, "Fine. We'll look around the office, while we wait…"

The man said, "Bup-bup! You two… May I have a moment with you, _outside_?"

He whispered, "Make it look real…"

Yagi gasped, "No… You mean you're-."

He grabbed the AAW Agents and said, "This way, please. Outside."

They were dragged away, as Yagi screamed, "OW! Hey! Easy!"

Kazuto barked, "Watch the collar!"

The woman laughed, "Nice one, Baby Bird. Keep them out of the Oval Office."

 **XXXXX**

Outside the White House, the man threw Yagi and Kazuto out, as he said, "Sorry about that."

Yagi got up and said, "Make it look real… You did that, just to kick us out!"

The man barked, "That's because I wanted to speak to you, alone, Agent Yagi!"

Yagi gasped, "I KNEW IT!"

He removed his glasses, revealing to be Percival Gaynes, Feral Beauty agent. Yagi trembled, "YOU?! I cannot believe-"

Percival said, "Sorry. But I'm undercover. For this, you don't address me as _anybody_."

Kazuto said, "A regular John Doe."

Yagi asked why he came to the White House. Percival explained that he was undercover, mostly to infiltrate Nixon's War Room. He found no leads, but he knew of his Economy Shield, which is, in reality, a magnet for stealing all the oil and water in the city. His superior, Neptuneman, hired him to investigate the situation, and hoping to expose the truth about Nixon, hoping to revoke his immunity. Yagi then said that she's planning to expose the plans to AAW, but decided the make Nixon resign, in order to make the world, as peaceful as it gets. Percival said, "Well, I guess we can work together on this one, seeing I used to work for AAW. Anyways, I'll let you guys back in."

Kazuto asked, "Say, how come we haven't seen you in a while?"

Yagi said, "Don't you remember, Iizuka? He resigned from the force, following the end of Onigiri in New Pork City. But it turns out that Tohru Honda still lived… until she was erased."

Percival said, "Once this mission's over, I have to return to HQ. And then-."

A woman asked, "Excuse me, sir? The president wanted to speak to me…"

He wore his shades and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

Mayura bowed and said, in her red blouse and skirt, "I'm Mayura Ichikawa, treasurer and accountant for the Best Student Council. I need to speak to him, _again_ , about the budget."

Percival said, "Right this way, ma'am."

He thought, in compressed annoyance, "Fuck! Not her, again…"

She stared at him and asked, "You seemed familiar. Have we met, before?"

He replied, with hesitation, "Uh… I do not know what you mean… Ma'am."

He said to Yagi and Kazuto, "You wait a couple minutes. I'll be right back."

He growled, as he and Mayura went inside the White House, "Damn it."

They waited, as Yagi said, "Sounds like we found an ally. Remind me to ask why he knew about Daria Morgendorffer… and Helen Morgerdorffer…"

Kazuto said, "The names are long and uncanny… We should wait a while."

Percival returned, five minutes later, as he said, "The President may need you, now. And, uh, never tell B-Squad about _her_ … Uh, the one with the budget problems… plus, she's a masturbator… and a crazed fan of mine."

Yagi said, "We don't even know her."

Percival snuffed, in disdain, "Exactly."

They stepped inside, as Percival shut the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

At the Oval Office, Percival showed Kazuto & Yagi in. The woman barked, "Hey! I said that they are kicked out of the office."

Percival whispered to Yagi, "Watch this…"

He said to the President, "Papa Bear, Mr. President, while I was rechecking these two, I found two identical people like them. They said that they were the _real_ translators for the president. So, I sent the imposters out."

Nixon asked, "Did you use the _Rusty Metal_?"

Percival bowed and said, "That I did… Regulation orders, sir."

Kazuto said, "Percival knows how to roll them."

Nixon smiled and said, "Good! GOOD! You have done well for your mission, Agent Bird."

Yagi replied, "Say, Mr. President. I gotta ask you…"

Nixon barked, "Not now! I am in the middle of a negotiation. And it's this whiny little brat."

Mayura huffed, "HMPH!"

Nixon's Head said to Yagi, "You two. Please translate to what she is saying…"

Mayura said, "I don't even have an accent!"

Kazuto asked, "May I have a moment with this potentate?"

The woman said, "Permission granted."

Yagi asked Mayura, "So, _you're_ Ichikawa?"

Mayura corrected, " _Governor/Accountant_ Mayura Ichikawa, thank you very much!"

Kazuto asked, "Governor?"

Mayura said, "Yeah. There was a Minecraft World, far away, and I was named governor, over some guy named Steve. Didn't you guys read the papers?"

Kazuto said, "Just the Want Ads, the Funnies, and the Sports."

Yagi said, "And the horoscope, also. But not the obituaries."

Mayura said, "It's a new land that was founded, long ago, in the PC County in Silicon Valley. Something about blocks and all that stuff. And its creatures… HO, BOY! They have a whole mess of evil! I freaked out over Creepers… until they exploded on contact and killed me. Thank god for respawning."

Yagi asked, "You and this Steve fellow faced each other in a battle?"

Mayura said, "Well, yes… Steve had a 52-48 lead in the polls… but I won, due the being the _Popular Vote_!"

Kazuto asked, "Since when did you know about politics?"

Mayura smiled, "From Hot Percival…"

Percival shuddered, "Liar…"

Yagi said, "Interesting… What is this Hot Percival?"

Mayura said, "Percival Gaynes is my hot idol… and my ex-boyfriend. Of course, we _never_ dated, but we had so much in common. I call him _Hot Percival,_ since he's hot, studly, sexy, and a… OH! Sploosh! Every time I see his face, he's so dreamy."

Yagi groaned, "Yeah… Keep dreaming."

Percival whispered, "Nailed it!"

Kazuto asked her, "So… Why did you learn politics from _Hot Percival_?"

Mayura responded, "Bullshit! Hot Percival is the reason I went into being _Governor/Accountant_! Besides, my credentials in Miyagami Academy tell all. I'm a Treasurer, throughout 9th grade to Senior Year."

Yagi replied, "And this was _before_ you meet your idol?"

Mayura said, "No. I met him, during my Junior years, back when The Gang appeared in Miyagami City. Seina's the one with the boyfriend troubles, by the way. She broke up with Steven Cooke, after an issue with a bet… Seina once dated Percival, beforehand, but she set him free."

Percival huffed, quietly, "It's not my fault that Farra was pleading me to not marry Seina. Seina told me that I deserve better… and Farra came to my life."

Kazuto replied, "It's too bad that Narue and I never had quarrels and fights… on certain occasions…"

Yagi said to him, "Maybe because you caught her in awkward moments."

Kazuto smiled, "Yep. And I still got the welts from her punches to the face, and a dropkick to my chest."

Yagi asked, "We heard rumors… Do you-?"

"Masturbate?" Mayura huffed, "Hell, no! I DON'T! Besides, I get called that, a lot…"

He asked, "You mean _"Hot Percival Masturbator_ "?"

Mayura snarled, as she growled, "Grrrrrr…"

Yagi pleaded, "Now, calm down. There's no need to flip out. Just blame the one who said that line."

Mayura sobbed, "Well, I'm regretting it. It was me who said that I am not some sort of _Hot Percival Masturbator_ and act like a prepubescent child! DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

Yagi controlled her and said, "Alright, alright. Stop crying. We're sorry."

She wiped her tears, as Kazuto snuffed, "It's no wonder you're still pathetic and single…"

Mayura said, "Well, I need to get to work. It's about Nixon's updated Economy Shield which will protect bizarre moments. I want to demolish it! Do you know how many _millions_ it'll take to build it?"

Yagi said, "Between you and me, and the rest of the readers at home, we want to _stop_ Nixon. But we'll be happy to help you out."

Kazuto replied, "And maybe he'll stop ripping on you for your weird blubbering voice."

Mayura said, "Okay, fine… But the President is the one that _needs_ interpreting. I mean, the guy's a head in a jar, in case you didn't notice. If you don't mind…"

Yagi said to Nixon, "She's ready! Ready to interpret?"

Nixon laughed, "LET'S DO IT! AROOOOOO~!"

 **XXXXX**

Mayura was in her seat, as she was holding a portfolio. She cleared her throat and said, "AHEM! Mr. President of Earth, fellow Earthlings, I come to warn you about a serious issue facing our country: the scourge of wasting money!"

Nixon said, "Ah, yes, the old fading economy business, dating back to Barack Obama's role in the White House…"

Mayura continued, "Many former high school treasurers, like myself, found ourselves in the endless cycle of spending and buying and selling, until we believed that there was no hope."

Nixon said, "I don't know what you're saying… Seriously, this jar is hard to hear, too… but you're doing a good job."

Mayura bellowed, "I ask you: How long can this epidemic continue?"

Nixon's Head asked, "What was that?"

Yagi said, "She said " _How long can this epidemic continue_?", sir."

Nixon asked, "Epidemic? WHAT Epidemic?"

Mayura said, "The epidemic of the economy… Spending lots of cash! By 2017, four out of five families will be bankrupt, and the impact on our nation's economy will be disastrous!"

Nixon asked, "What was that?"

Kazuto said, "Uh… She said… The epidemic of…"

Yagi said, "Surly listless teens."

Nixon's Head remarked, "Is that all? I blame the video games…"

Mayura barked, "What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

Yagi said, "Sorry. He seemed confused. We'll try again."

Mayura said, "Okay. Once again, Mr. President… the impact of the Earth's economy cannot be overstated! I ask again: How long can this epidemic continue?"

Nixon smiled, "Great job. You, four-eyes! What did she say?"

Yagi said, "The epidemic. Something about money problems… blah, blah, blah… all that sort of rut."

Nixon's Head barked, "Is that all? Sounds like those touchy-feely tax-and-spend welfare programs!"

Kazuto said to Mayura, "He said, "Sounds like one of those-!"

Mayura shouted, "I heard what he said! Are you sure you're translating it right?"

Nixon asked, "What did she say?"

Kazuto barked, "Don't blame us… You're the one with the warped-up blubbering."

Percival whispered to Kazuto, "Try this, Iizuka… … … …"

Kazuto smiled, "Oh… Nice."

Yagi said, "Try it again from the top, Miss Governor."

Mayura barked, " _Governor/Accountant!_ Anyway… As I was saying, _again_ : How long can this epidemic continue?"

Nixon asked, "Come again?"

Kazuto pushed Yagi aside and said, "She said…"

He whispered into his tank. Nixon said, "OH! OOOOOH! I get it now!"

Mayura smiled, as she finally got him to understand. Except…

"I think maybe we can allow something called a _Hot Percival Masturbator._ "

Mayura shrieked, "WHAAT?"

Percival laughed, "BOOM! Nailed it!"

He cleared his throat and said, "Sorry, ma'am. Past life sick humor."

Mayura seethed, "Are you mocking me? I do NOT masturbate! Also, that is sick, since public indecent exposure is against the law, anywhere! AND I HATE THAT NICKNAME!"

Nixon asked, "Come again?"

Yagi whispered to his tank, as Nixon's Head said, "Oh, okay. I know what you need…"

He spoke, "Come to Nixon's World! AROOOOO!"

Mayura shrieked, as she blushed in a beet red look, "NOOOO! Is the President flirting with me?"

Kazuto said, "You had to be a sick puppy…"

Mayura sobbed, "All the progress I made… and all the work I did. I was about to get a _five-week pin_! That or I think maybe a crafting table."

Yagi said, "I almost feel bad about this."

Kazuto replied, "I don't have a 100% conscience. What's _your_ excuse?"

Mayura stood up and felt upset. She then asked, "Mister President… I'll cut down to the chase. STOP THAT ECONOMY SHIELD, AT ONCE! If you build it, everyone will go bankrupt, including your own petty needs! Think about it! NO toys, NO food, NO cars, NO clothing, and worst of all, NO fundings and charities!"

Kazuto said, "She says… You build the economy shield, everyone on Earth will lose ALL their money, including you!"

Yagi said, "And we mean it."

Nixon's Head gasped in horror, as Nixon's Head barked, "SAY! I'm beginning to think that you just wanted to stop me, like all the others! I think that you, Governor Ichikawa, is trying to take advantage of me! But rest assured, I will not be charmed by your petty sexual charm! The Economy Shield is called off, immediately!"

Yagi sighed in relief, "Phew!"

Kazuto smiled, "Another job well done…"

Percival smiled and said, "Mission complete."

Mayura smiled and cheered, "And that's another victory for democracy."

Nixon's Head asked, "What did she say?"

Mayura shouted, "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!"

The woman then said, "Uh, oh! Protect the President!"

Percival called, "Papa Bear, subdue her!"

Yagi then asked, "Should we tear up the plans for your Economy Shield?"

Kazuto said, "Nah, let's wait. I'd love to see Ichikawa blow up."

The woman then escorted Mayura out, as she was bawling in anger. She wanted Nixon's Head to claw on for the dirty remarks. She left, as Percival nodded to Yagi. She hid the plans to Kazuto and put them in the folder. Nixon said… as he was dejected, "I can't believe that all these times… even for a girl who plays with herself… can be so degrading… It's not like New New Jersey, anymore… I had bigger plans to achieve greatness. But when Spiro T. Agnew was vaporized, I was out of options."

Yagi then said, "That's nice, sir. Now, we ha-."

Nixon's Head barked, "NO! NO MORE! AROOOO! IT IS TIME! It is time for a change… I'm going to rule the Earth… in the Year 3014 A.D.!"

Percival asked, "Yeah, uh, how about we-?"

The head of the president barked, "I made good promises, but it is always bad for me! Maybe being the president isn't good enough for me, anymore! I blame AAW! I blame Steven Nevins! And I damned sure blame it on Black Dynamite!"

He roared, "Take me to my helicopter!"

Percival carried him and said, "Yes, sir."

Nixon said to Yagi and Iizuka, "You two! You're done in this office. As of now… You're fired! Because… I QUIT!"

Percival left with Nixon's Head, but he returned and gave the thumbs-up to the AAW Agents. Yagi said, "Well…"

Kazuto said, "I was hoping we'd arrest him…"

Yagi responded, "Looks like Kanaka will still have her favor to make, after all. I thought he'd resign, after blackmail, but never with depression, after being a head, since his death in 1994. Oh, well."

Yagi grabbed the Economy Shield documents and ripped it in half. She said in disgust, "Great. We succeeded in our mission, but it's so empty! How could this have happen?"

Kazuto said, "It almost makes it too easy for us."

The woman returned, as she grumbled, "I can't believe my suit is wet, from those endless tears… and the interrogation room is all soaked. It'll take days to rebuff the floors."

She then said, "I heard the news…"

Yagi explained, "President Nixon had anti-depressants, which depressed him!"

Kazuto gasped, "Yagi did it!"

The woman smirked and laughed evilly, "Heh, heh, heh, heh… You two really know when to ruin a perfectly good presidency. You see, I _knew_ you were AAW. And I knew you'd try something."

Yagi screamed, "YOU DON'T GET IT! Nixon had a change of heart, all by himself!"

Kazuto yelled, "Yagi did it!"

The woman removed her shades and said, "Well, no matter. You two managed to off the president… The ratings to the last _State of the Union_ address were even lower than reruns of " _Allen Gregory_ " and " _Axe Cop_ ". I didn't expect to have the president be gone, so soon. But now that these idiots have forced me to use it…"

Yagi asked, "Uh… We can hear what you're saying…"

Kazuto asked, "What do you mean, exactly? We're standing right here."

Helen laughed and said, "You fools! You just let in my husband, Jake, the best United Leagues Leader in AU History, dating back to 1998 to 2004! He was the _Father of our Alternate Universe_. It's time for a leader they'll _have_ to listen to!"

Kazuto asked, "Abe Lincoln?!"

Helen spoke on the headset and said, "Agents Jackson, Burr, N'deygayembe! We are moving the timeline forward. Commence phase two of the operation. I'll prepare the new candidate."

 **XXXXX**

The phone rang in an office, as a man with short brown hair rushed to the phone. He called, in frantic voice, "HELLO? Hello! Jake Morgendorffer – Consultant! Anyone here? OH! Hi, honey! How are you?"

He gasped, "I what? President of Earth? Hot damn! I'm on my way!"

He hung up and cheered, "YEAH! President Jake of Earth is BACK!"

 **XXXXX**

Yagi responded, as she was by the desk, "Not the reaction I would've expected from a secret service agent, discovering two people, over depressing one of the U.S. Presidents."

Helen returned, as she was adjusting her suit. Jake arrived, as she called, "Hi, honey!"

Jake cheered, as he was heading to the front yard, "Helen! Good to see you!"

Yagi gasped, "Blessed scuba-diving Buddha on a banana boat with cocktail onions and a map to the stars!"

Kazuto cheered, "YEAH!"

Yagi asked, "Helen Morgendorffer?!"

She growled, "OF COURSE! She knew that she wanted the head of Nixon to resign, so _she_ could take it over! And she spent her sentence, from trying to kill her daughter, only for revenge!"

Jake called out, "People of Earth! Your beloved leader is back!"

Yagi groaned, "And what's more… We're screwed…"

Jake was on the podium, "My fellow Americans, as you know by now, your former president was struck in the heart, by two mysterious interpreters. But turn _not_ to fear and despair. I have returned to guide us through this troubled time. A vote for me is a vote for Jake Morgendorffer."

Helen called out, "And a vote for Jakie is a vote for _me_ , as well. I am his campaign manager and running mate, Helen Morgendorffer."

The phone rang, as Yagi answered it. It was from Kanaka. Kanaka barked, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TWO DO?"

Yagi sobbed, "Nothing… That Hot Percival Masturbator was the one that did it, pleading to the president to-!"

Kanaka cried, "JESUS CHRIST! DO YOU REALIZE THAT THE BELOVED UNITED LEAGUES LEADER AND AN EX-CONVICT WILL WIN THE EMERGENCY ELECTION, UNOPPOSED?"

Yagi said, "Yeah… And we're screwed, since-. Wait… _Emergency_ election?!"

Kanaka shouted, "SHUT UP! We're not licked yet. I'm calling an All-Points Emergency meeting to the Active Agents of AAW, including _YOU TWO_ , into my office! We're taking down that lovable little assface monkey in the suit… _and_ her husband!"

Yagi saluted, "Yes, ma'am! On the way!"

Kazuto asked, "Kanaka's pissed?"

Yagi nodded, "Noope… She is completely furious. She said that if Jake Morgendorffer wins this _Emergency Election_ , then the nefarious forces that control over him will have unchecked power to destroy ALL the worlds _and_ the entire free nation… and planet. Free Planet."

Kazuto said, "Free _world_. I hate it when they do that! So, the Adults will finally win?"

Yagi said, "No, Iizuka. Let's head back to HQ, post haste… before Kanaka blows her stack."

 **XXXXX**

Kanaka shouted, in her office, as all of her agents present were in her office, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Of all the days you guys screw up a mission, it's A-Squad!"

Kazuto huffed, "Too late."

Carl said, as he was reading the newspaper, "Agents Yagi and Iizuka made a mess, did they?"

Yagi and Iizuka pouted, "We're sorry…"

Kanaka said, "I'm not mad at you guys. But it's this… This is how the plan goes. We have a _new_ mission, which we have only _one shot_ at it. Fat Man, you start spreading the word on your internet blog."

Carl saluted, "YEAH! TONIGHT!"

"Agents Hartwell and Thomas, grab as much plywood, red paint, white paint, blue paint, and nails, as you can."

Kirsten saluted, "Already on it, ma'am."

Kanaka turned to Freddie, "Mustache Man! You make with the fliers."

Freddie nodded, as Kanaka said to Yagi and Kazuto, "Hajime, Old Man, I need one of you to run against Jake Morgendorffer."

They gasped, "What?"

The other agents gasped, "WHAAAAAAT?!"

Harley shouted, "But Kanaka, _they_ were responsible for running Nixon's Head's presidency!"

Kanaka said, "True, they succeeded in their mission, but we were surprised that the ex-con, Helen Barksdale, and her sudden plan to take over the world! So, I need _one_ of them to face the evil Morgendorffer parents, including beloved United Leagues Leader, Jake Morgendorffer, in this emergency election. We're not using violence and negotiation, this time. This time, it's _politics_. Remember, the entire planet is counting on you."

Kazuto barked, " _She_ answered the phone!"

Carl nodded, "Then, we have no choice…"

Kirsten said, "It's one shot… and we have to win this, or else… Life as we know it may cease to being."

Yagi then said, "Then, it's agreed. Fair's fair."

She said to Kazuto, "Iizuka, this is our new mission for AAW, in the history of the entire planet Earth: _WE_ are going to stop Helen Barksdale _and_ Jake Morgendorffer… and _WE_ , Iizuka, are going to make _you_ the NEXT President of Earth!"

Kazuto laughed, "YES!"


	3. Chapter 3

At the front yard of the White House, Yagi was calling to Jake. She said, "Excuse me, Mr. Morgendorffer. I'd like to nominate my partner, Kazuto Iizuka, in the election for President of Earth. As his partner in A-Squad, and leader of said group, my partner would like to have the honor of engaging in a thoughtful discussion of the key issues."

Kazuto said, "Followed by a round of spiteful mud-slinging. What do you say, Jakey?"

Jake then said, "Hmm… This is highly irregular. Very well. But you are well-aware that I was beloved from 1998-2004, during my run as United Leagues leader."

Helen whispered to Jake, as he added, "And assuming Mister Iizuka's position, and giving my credentials, I was going to run this election, _unopposed_."

Kazuto barked, "Oh, no, you di'n't! You ain't all that, Jake the Snake!"

"I freed the kids of Adult Tyranny! I was beloved, like Abraham Lincoln!"

"I was in a mission, involving a man named Gilbert, who went crazy over zombies!"

"I was on the custom-made 2001 Penny! They made only twenty, until the Lincoln Mint stopped it. Damn bureaucrats!"

"I have a half-alien for a girlfriend. _You_ have only an ex-convict, as your running mate."

"DAMN IT! HOW DA-?"

Yagi stopped the argument, "Whoa, whoa! Hold on! Save it for the debate! A moderate and reasonable debate… Okay?"

Jake said, "Hmm… Very well. In the spirit of democracy, I say: _Don't_ sing it… _Bring_ it!"

The TV played, as the reporter was doing the intro.

" _And it is a beautiful day here, in Washington D.C., at the White House lawn, as we bring you the first in a series of debates for this emergency election for Earth President. In the Republican Corner, we have former United Leagues leader and current consultant, Jake Morgendorffer, accompanied by his wife, ex-lawyer, and running mate/first lady, Helen Morgendorffer. And in the not-so-funny corner, representing Alliance Across the World, is Agent of A-Squad, Kazuto Iizuka.  
Acting as completely impartial moderator for the debates, will be Alliance Across the World leading Agent, Hajime Yagi. The candidates ARE ready, so let's listen in…_"

Yagi asked, "Candidate Iizuka, Mr. Morgendorffer… let us begin. Mr. Morgendorffer, we start with you. I'd like you to tell the voters your stand on some of the tough issues…"

"Very well."

"How do you plan to solve the problem of toxic waste?"

Jake paused and said, "I'm glad to be given _one more_ life to my country."

Yagi thought, "Hmm… How did he evade the subject?"

TV announcer said, "And Jake begins with his trademark phrases, during his days with the United Leagues. Effective to his adoring crowd, but no signs in the poll ratings."

Yagi said to Kazuto, "Candidate Iizuka, opening arguments…"

Kazuto said, "Greetings, miserable prawns… People of Earth! Your day of reckoning is at hand! This election reminds me of the time I once went to the beach, and saw a huge ocean liner drift up on shore, while everyone was in shock and awe. It seems that it started when I was going to tell Narue, my girlfriend, that I love her. Suddenly, the ocean liner came by and interrupted what was once a beautiful moment in my young life. After that, the crowd forgot about it, and Narue and I had a fun time at the beach! … … …No, no, wait. I told it wrong.  
Anyway, I believe in the ideal of a global community, where America is but a small part of, along with Japan, China, Mexico, and everywhere else. Besides, the Earth is mostly water. We must set aside our differences and work with our fellow nations, all united towards one goal: The complete and utter annihilation of the goddamn Avalon Aliens!"

Yagi asked, "Anything else to share, Candidate Iizuka?"

Kazuto said, "No, I think I'm done. That is all. Stay frosty, Earth!"

Outside the area, Freddie, disguised as a secret service agent switched a cue card that says " _FREE Home Delivery_ ". Yagi thought, as Freddie gave the thumbs-up, "Perfect. I take it that is how Jake and Helen are going to win this. Better use their A-Game against him."

Yagi asked Jake, "Candidate Morgendorffer, repeating the question about toxic waste, how do you plan to solve it?"

Jake responded, "FREE home delivery!"

The crowd was shocked, as cameras flashed. The TV announcer said, "OH! An effective, but very controversial proposal from Candidate Morgendorffer. And the crowd goes wild, in a roar of boos. They did not like that idea, one bit."

The polls then showed that Jake has 60% of the votes, while Kazuto has 39%. Emmitt had only 1%, and he is a third-party candidate.  
 _Who's Emmitt?_

Freddie switched the cue cards, as Yagi asked, "Candidate Iizuka, anything to share?"

Kazuto responded, "I want to see the return of prosperity of the Earth we all know and loved… A chicken in every pot, Mom's hot apple pie, and rubber nippers for everyone, and vice versa! If elected, I promise a return to a happier time in Earth's past. The days when giant thunder lizards marched over the fern-covered marshes of the Midwest, preying on the upstart mammals. I'm a uniter, not a divider. I foresee an Earth, under _one_ rule: an iron-fisted rule! One rabbit, one law! Let your neighbors know that dissent will _not_ be tolerated!  
All hail Iizuka…"

Yagi shushed him, as she turned to Jake, "Returning to the topics on the issues, Candidate Morgendorffer, how would you describe the economy? For example, your Tax Plan?"

Jake then said, "Give me ALL you got!"

The crowd boos, as the TV announcer said, "Ooh! And Candidate Morgendorffer proposed _one_ shocker of an economic strategy, which even democrats are calling it " _A trifle excessive_ "."

It hurt Jake in the polls, as he is dropped to 50%. Kazuto gained a little, boosting up, only standing at 39%. Emmitt, however, has 11%, which was a major boost, too.

Kazuto continued, as Freddie switched the cue cards, "I have a dream, America! It all started when I was in a white intergalactic wedding with Narue Nanase, and we are doing a two-person production of " _Titanic on Ice_ ". But I haven't studied and I can't remember my lines. Suddenly, it began to rain marshmallows, but that's okay. Because all the trees were made of graham crackers; and chocolate bars are the currency. I believe that by working together, we can make that dream a reality… except for the " _Titanic on Ice_ " bit. We have nothing to fear, but fear, itself… and the chupacabras! _Madre dios!_ He'll kill us all!"

Yagi asked Jake, "Candidate Jake, uh, Mr. Morgendorffer, where do you stand on religions and schools?"

Jake said, "Oh, wait… I think two wrongs don't make a right."

The crowd boos, as Yagi turned to Iizuka and nodded. She then thought, "Only _one_ job left… and that's Shiki. I owe her a favor, since she helped us studied on the _United Leagues_."

The TV announcer said, in shock, "Did we hear this right? Jake just came down against both religion and education! WOW! That's got to make Jake go up in the polls. Not!"

Jake and Kazuto are neck and neck, with Jake having 40%, and Kazuto stayed with 39%. Emmitt, however, _still_ was lagging behind, with 21% of the polls. Seems the AAW's sabotage against the Morgendorffers started to come to play.

The debate ended, for the moment, as Yagi said, "Hey, Jake! How goes the polls?"

Helen said, "Well, I don't know how this is happening… We were doing so well, and we had everything under control!"

Jake barked, "Can't I be honest about myself, Helen?"

She complained, "Jake…"

Kazuto said, "Come on, Jakey shakey… You know you cannot defeat me in the debate, _and_ the election."

Yagi said, "Sorry, Iizuka. You're down by 1% in the polls. It's close."

Helen laughed, "Yes. It's really close, since you two have ruined my plans, once again. I don't know how, but you're clean on the whole sabotage thing. I bet those secret service guys did it. Well, _I_ will, er, _we_ will win. Right, honey?"

Jake smiled, "Right! This is a day that we'll remember for centuries to come. Today is the day we return the Earth to greatness. I stand here at the steps of the White House, _not_ above the people, but _with_ the people. Only _one_ man can lead this world, through its troubled time. I, Jake Morgendorffer, am that man. The time to act is NOW!"

Kazuto jeered, "Pfft! I've heard _way better_ addresses from the 411 operator."

Jake shouted in anger, "Why, you little brat!"

Kazuto blabbed, "Hey, Jake! Vince McMahon called! He wants his suit back, from the _Attitude Era_!"

Jake shouted, "DAMN IT! I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!"

Yagi halted him, "Save it for the debate, Iizuka!"

Helen scolded, "Jake, do NOT blow this up for _me_ , and _me,_ alone."

Jake whined, "But I'm losing, Helen!"

As the debate continued, Harley and Kirsten snuck to the telephone booth to call Shiki Nagaoka, Kazuto and Yagi's friend. While they made the call, here's what happened, earlier today.

* * *

Earlier this morning, Kazuto was studying with Shiki, in her bookstore, learning about the United Leagues. Shiki, a girl with short black hair and a beige skirt and shirt, read the article about the famed league from the late 90s.

Shiki explained, "Here. It says that the United Leagues were formed, during the end of the Kids-Adults War in 1994, as a way of amending peace. Every year, they elect a brand-new leader, hoping to unite every able-bodied citizen from making heinous jobs. The United Leagues lasted from 1994 to 2011, before the league disbanded, after the law of _People Power_ , until it was abolished completely. Among those that were leader was Jake Morgendorffer. He was the United Leagues answer to U.S. Leader and Founding Father, Abraham Lincoln. He once freed the slaves, who are controlled by bratty kids, he produced the full-on community club, which is a building that allows everybody in, regardless of race or breed, he also distributed the Log Splitter technique, preventing poachers and bulldozers from running down rainforests. Of course, he disbanded _Getting Gay with Kids_ , making slander about the rainforest, in which it sucks ass. However, the faction disbanded, when Jake said, "Mudslinging is stupid! You kids don't believe _anything_ you hear. The rainforest is fragile and majestic. In fact, one day, the Amazon Jungles would be considered a National Landmark".

Kazuto asked, "Is he always that honest?"

Shiki replied, "No, but I hear… He's single. Sure, he married Helen Barksdale, but after that incident, Jake probably divorced her, after she served a 10-year sentence, for trying to kill her daughter, Daria."

She added, "In any case, I hope to meet the _real_ Jake Morgendorffer. He's honest, wholesome, and very outspoken. Of course, he sometimes rants a lot, and he even had triple bypass surgery. The guy is like a dimwit, but he's got the voice of leadership within him."

Kazuto said, "Well, I hear… He has Daddy Issues. The guy is always rattled and stressed out. But he _does_ have a wonderful ambition of becoming a brave leader."

Shiki blushed, "I hope to date him, one day… He's not in my age bracket, but I want to meet this nice guy. Not just for the whole election thing, but…"

He asked, "So, _why_ are we studying the United Leagues?"

She responded, "Miss Yagi said that you have to learn ALL about Earth History, including Japan. And also, study up on the issues to getting the campaign ready, within two weeks."

Kazuto corrected, "Uh… The Emergency Election isn't until later this afternoon."

Shiki then said, "Then perhaps I can tell you everything you need to know what Jake promises, as long as you stay within the subject."

She then taught him many tips and tricks on how to speak like all the other legendary world leaders. She even taught him one of the United Leaders' famous lines.

" _We have thrown upon mercy, and we confront mercy, in the name of our fathers and forefathers" – William Bluff (U.L. c.1995)_

 _"Do NOT give up the ship. Give up on the cowards' way out!" – Narwal Jamison (c.1996)_

 _"I came… I saw… I kicked habits!" – Sugar Cube Johnson (c.1997)_

Kazuto said, "Wow… those are great lines."

Shiki said, "Jake Morgendorffer has never lost both an election _and_ a debate. By his final term, he chose to retire. And since then, the U.L. was never the same, again."

He asked, "Is that even right? He's undefeated?"

She replied, "Yes. And if you forget, wing it."

He smiled and said, "I think I will."

Shiki asked, "And also, can you get me his digits, so I can ask for a date?"

He sighed, as he said, "Sounds fair."

 **XXXXX**

At HQ, Harley Hartwell and Kirsten Thomas was recording most of Jake's speeches from the past. They edited the speech, in which they make it look like he is asking out on a date.

Kirsten said, "Oh, this'll be dirty… In fact, we can oust him, after we make good on the election."

Harley said, as he played the playback, "All goes according to plan. Glad his wife doesn't know about the sudden cheating… and our devious plan."

Kirsten replied, "Yeah. Now only if we let _you_ ask someone out for a date…"

She blushed, "Namely me…"

Harley laughed, "Oh, come now, Kirsten. We're in C-Squad, under surveillance for The Gang, Carl, Kazuto, and Yagi. We have to win, or the worlds will be corrupt, without use of petty villains."

Kirsten then snuffed, as Harley went to find Yagi. She then held her neck and hissed to the microphone. She finished the playback and smirked evilly, "That'll teach you… Idiot."

 **XXXXX**

Meanwhile, at the phone booth, Harley signaled to Kirsten, "Roll playback."

Kirsten played the radio, as Shiki answered the phone. This will _now_ be presented in _Play Form_.

(Shiki): Hello?

(Jake's voice): I, Jake Morgendorffer, am _that_ man.

(Shiki): JAKE? Oh, wow! Is that you? It's an honor, sir. I am ecstatic to meet you. I saw you on TV, and I wonder if you like to go out with me, sometime?

(Jake's voice): This is a day that we'll remember for centuries to come.

(Shiki): OH! You're such a charmer, aren't you? Well then, Mr. _Log Splitter_ , where should we meet?

(Jake's voice): I stand here at the steps of the White House, _not_ above the people, but _with_ the people.

(Shiki): Oh, right. Adoring fans. I see. I'll be there. When shall we meet?

(Jake's voice): The time to act is NOW!

(Shiki, pleased): AH! Okay~! I'll come back, right away!

(Jake's voice): DAMN IT! I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!

(Shiki): Huh? What was that?

(Kirsten's voice, demonically): I will feast on your entrails… and devour your soul!

(Shiki): What was that now?

Harley grabbed the phone and said, "Uh, bye."

He hung up, as he glared at his partner, "Kirsten, did you ruin the playback?"

Kirsten shouted, "YOU SHOULD KNOW! Why couldn't you try to use that speech on me? I'm sick of this. You are such a stupid idiot."

Harley argued, "Come on! I was only doing this for the sake of Earth!"

Yagi snapped, "Oh, guys… STOP FIGHTING!"

Harley and Kirsten pouted, from inside, "Sorry…"

Yagi escorted them out of the phone booth, as they pouted. She barked, "Get back to HQ, and wait for the election results."

They left, as Yagi said, holding up her watch, "Better stall for time…"

* * *

At the debate, Jake made a speech about Family Values, "So to sum up: family values are the bedrock to this nation. Our fidelity, honesty, and loyalty to families is our most sacred asset to all of us Earthlings, for we are one big happy."

Yagi said to Kazuto, "Candidate Iizuka, your rebuttal?"

He blew a raspberry, as he snuffed, "No comment."

Just then, Shiki appeared, calling to Jake, "Yoo-hoo! Jakey~!"

Yagi said, "I believe that we have a question from the audience, from someone who is _not_ Jake's wife."

Helen whispered, "You know of this girl?"

Jake whispered, "I just came back. I don't know her…"

Shiki smiled, "Oh, hi, Yagi. Kazuto."

Kazuto called to her, "Greetings, random citizen I do not know of."

Yagi shushed him, "Quiet, bubble brain…"

Shiki said to Jake, "Well, I came to you, just in time! Are you ready for our date?"

Helen gasped, "WHAT?"

Jake asked, "Wa… Wait a minute! I've never seen this woman before, in my life!"

Shiki said, "But on the phone, you sounded so much eager to meet me, in person."

Jake said, as the crowd was shocked, "Listen to me, Earthlings! I _did not_ arrange a date with this woman!"

Kazuto barked, "OH~! So she's good enough to fool around with, but not to date?"

Jake explained, "But I'm a married man! Helen, my wife and running mate, is-."

Shiki shouted, "An ex-convict!"

The crowd was in complete disarray, as Jake explained, "Come on, now! Helen has paid her dues now, and she has been with me, all these years!"

Shiki said, "Mr. Morgendorffer, I can't believe you're doing this to me!"

Kazuto replied, "He is. But I believe, in my experience with AAW, former president, Nixon's head, gave Helen Barksdale a parole, and served as his second-in-command!"

Helen shouted, "YOU LIE!"

Yagi asked, "Candidate Morgendorffer, any thoughts?"

Jake stammered, and then he barked, "You mean… Helen escaped prison? DAMN IT! THAT'S IT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, HELEN? You told me so, just to help win! I'm not your puppet, damn it! I am a man! I ACT ON MY OWN FREE WILL! AND I REFUSE TO BE CALLED A USER OF EVIL PEOPLE! And, also, I refuse to have _any_ sexual advice from other women. I _am_ happily married, ex-con or not! So, put THAT in your report, Iizuka! HAH!"

Everyone paused, as Kazuto said, in disdain, "Damn, dawg. Inappropes…"

Shiki was stunned, and then she started to cry. She ran off, as Helen smiled evilly, "That's the first thing you said right. We win…"

But she was wrong… A newspaper tabloid was shown, with the article saying:  
 _"FAMILY VALUES – Jake caught in tryst with bookstore owner; polls down_ ".

Jake is now in last place in the polls, at 30%. He is behind Emmitt, with 31%, and Kazuto _still_ with 39%. Thanks to AAW's assistance, Kazuto has won in the polls. But the night was still young.

* * *

Mikoto Suo said, as the voting ended, that night, "This is Mikoto Suo, for _Channel 36 News,_ with the Emergency Election update. The results are in, as the North Side of the AUs have voted for Jake Morgendorffer to win, with a 85% margin of victory, over Kazuto Iizuka of AAW, despite a close 30% rating in the recent polls. More on the election results, to come…"

A Villager from Minecraft, in a mustache said, in a British accent, "This is Villager #4 for _Villager News,_ with the _AUs Emergency Election Report_. The West Side of the AUs, the Video Game party, the Gynoid party, and the Intergalactic Federation all voted for Iizuka, as he is leading the votes, steadily and heavily, with Targus City _and_ South City, as well as the Galaxy Federation voting for Iizuka, at 99% average."

Steve appeared in front of the camera, "HI, GUYS! _Vote for Me, STEVE~!_ "

Villager #4 barked, "YOU! Get out, now! Get him out of here!"

A man in a red suit and stubble said, as he was in the desk, "The polls show that Iizuka is neck and neck with Morgendorffer, with the Mutant League Party and the Volcanic Conkers Party voting for Morgendorffer. The Adult Party still underway with the voting."

Mikoto said, as she had a sheet of paper, "This just in from the East Side of the AUs, the Puchuu Party has casted their votes in favor of… wait, _Emmitt?_ Who's Emmitt? Anyway, the polls are still close, as Candidates Morgendorffer and Iizuka are close, with Morgendorffer leading, by 2%."

Michael Cole then completed the report, on a news channel, "Michael Cole with _BREAKING NEWS_. The time is now 8:00pm, as the Adult League party, reformed after the Rice Ball Cult disbanded, and the adults make their _Instant Win_ votes, which has been annulled, since the Bluff Campaign in 1997. And the votes have been casted, and the results are in. It was a great upset, as Jake Morgendorffer, loved by all, has finally been declared, and I quote… " _The biggest loser in the face of his miserable life!_ " … _end quote._ The Adults, who were committed to Morgendorffer, after earlier today, have switched their votes, in favor of Iizuka!"

Jake gasped, as he screamed, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Mikoto said, "And it's official! It appears that Civil Service Agent, Kazuto Iizuka, has won the election, by a landslide! Iizuka is the _new_ President of Earth!"

Kazuto gasped, as he cheered, "YES!"

Yagi and Freddie celebrated, as the AAW Agents were victorious, at HQ. They threw a victory celebration, as Kazuto was smiling. Kanaka said, as she patted his back, "Congratulations, President Old Man."

Kazuto said, "That's President _Iizuka_ to you, Bo-."

 **PUNT!  
** She punted his gut and shouted, "I _know_ what I said, dumbass!"

Yagi said, "Now, now… Let's not get into a fight. In any case, now that Iizuka is president, what does it mean for AAW?"

Kanaka said, "Don't sweat it, Hajime. If Mike Haggar can fight crime _and_ be mayor, the Old Man can be A-Squad _and_ be President, at the same time."

Kazuto smiled, "Aw, thanks, boss."

Kanaka said, "Of course, I'll be needing to cut your paycheck, since you now have the budget cuts to make, in the Oval Office. But I'll do something better than that – I've decided to _not_ dock your pay, for the recent mission you two idiots did."

Kazuto and Yagi huffed, sarcastically, "Gee… Thanks, boss…"

Carl asked, "Hey, look! Something's about to happen!"

Villager #4 announced, " ** _BREAKING NEWS_** – In an unprecedented show of bi-partisan solidarity, all of the Alternate Universe's political parties have demanded a recount. Sadly, the recount has been cancelled, due to Jake's sudden outbursts, earlier today. Even so, the recount was already made, and Morgendorffer still lost. Let's cut to the Jake's home, to hear his address, for losing in the polls."

Jake was outside his home, as he was livid. Another Villager said, "Thank you, Villager #4. This is Villager #9, interviewing Jake Morgendorffer's wife, Helen Morgendorffer. Mrs. Morgendorffer, your husband just lost the election. How will you respond to this mannerism, seeing that he was once beloved by all?"

Helen said, "For those who are watching, I am declaring that this election was a farce, and I will do what I can to make sure that my Jakey gets the Oval Office, right where it belong-."

Jake shouted, "THIS IS BULLSHIT! You… HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

The crowd gasped. Helen controlled Jake, as he yelled, "NO! GET OFF ME! I WAS ROBBED! HELEN MADE ME DO IT! SHE DID IT FOR HER, NOT ME! I'm NOT like that! YOU IDIOT!"

He shoved Helen down, as she cried, "JAKE, YOU MORON!"

Kazuto said, "He took the news, better than I expected."

Jake shouted, "Fuck democracy! I will make you all regret that you had to bring me back! I said I didn't want to be leader again, but Helen made me do it! FOR THAT… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He grew into monstrous size, as he was fifty feet tall, with a demonic black aura and red demon eyes, with his suit all tattered and ripped. Kazuto and Yagi gasped, "Holy shit…"

The giant Jake grabbed Helen and roared, "YOU RUINED MY LIFE… AGAIN!"

He threw Helen into his mouth, as Helen was eaten alive. He roared, "JAKE ANGRY! JAKE DESTROY!"

He ran off, as the reporters were screaming in terror. "AAAAH!" Villager #9 ran away.

The AAW Agents were shocked, as Yagi said, "Ooh… I think we're going to need to stop this, right?"

Kanaka snarled, "I knew it… I recognize that aura… Both Helen and Jake have Onigiri's essence."

Kazuto asked, "How can you tell?"

Kanaka shouted, "Because, idiot! The former United Leader's wife wanted to take over every city, so says Onigiri! She'd never be _that_ evil!"

Kazuto said, "Who cares? I'm president, now, and that means we can bomb _any_ villain into oblivion!"

Yagi corrected, "Not just _anybody_ … Jake Morgendorffer… must die!"

Kazuto cheered, "YES!"


	4. Chapter 4

At Iizuka's Inauguration, he addressed to the people, "Everyone in the AUs, I stand here today, not as your ruler, but as a promised people person, in the name of justice!"

They all cheered, as Iizuka continued, "I promise you, before this is over, we're going to send a message to the powers-to-be, who is consumed by Tohru Honda's evil essence, that NO ONE fucks with our planet of Earth! THIS will be… _OUR! FINEST! HOUR!_ "

The fans roared heavily, cheering for President Iizuka, as he smiled on.

* * *

 ** _Hours later…_**

* * *

At the Oval Office, Kazuto was relaxing in his chair, as Agent Superball was at the door of the War Room. As he was relaxing, three people showed up in his office, unannounced. Superball stated, "Mister President, three governors are here to see you."

He said, "Send them in…"

Mayura barked, "We _are_ here!"

She snuffed, "Oh, it's you, again…"

Mayura, governor of Minecraft, was with Muscle Man, a fat man with a green shirt and jeans, with greasy hair, and the Brain, a lab mouse in a mechanical suit.

Kazuto asked, "YOU?"

The Brain said, "Yes! During your campaign and inauguration, we were elected to be governors of the revitalizing and prospect Video Game World. Mitch Sorenson here was voted to be Retro City governor."

Muscle Man smiled, "Yeah, bro! You know who _else_ is in Retro City? MY MOM!"

The Brain said, "And as you know, Miss Mayura Ichikawa is the governor of the Minecraft party. While I am the governor of a very highly-based party…"

"What's that?"

"I am the Governor of the Square Enix."

Mayura huffed, "Wait, hold on! _You're_ the president, now? People will vote for _anyone,_ these days."

The Brain asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Mayura whistled, "Nothing…"

Yagi came by and asked, "Oh. Sorry, Mister President. Oh, and I see that you got into a meeting. Care if I assist?"

Kazuto said, "Sure, go ahead. I was about to call you guys."

Yagi asked Mayura, "So, how's your urge going on?"

Mayura barked, "Real mature, Yagi!"

Yagi asked, "So, why are you here, exactly?"

Mayura said, "Well, we were discussing the whole Video Game World conflict, as the now-fledgling world is started to recover, ever since the Dark Clouds of Titus has been extinguished. And also, with all the proceeds to the _Save the Worlds_ rally, and the stoppage of Nixon's Head's evil scheme, we used most of the budget to bring back what Onigiri destroyed, including South Park and Miyagami City."

Yagi asked, "So, you're for which world will be brighter and better?"

Mayura shouted, "NO! We're debating which Governor and Branch gets the main vessel to the Video Game World – the PONG Monument. It's still standing, after the whole bloodshed."

She added, "And also, I read it in the news, _before_ I was a mannequin robot, by force!"

The Brain said, "It was Miz-K Takase's adequate punishment to you, for superseding with the main storyline development. We're lucky that we had Setsuna hold the remote for you."

Muscle Man jeered, "Yeah, loser. Don't get your diapers in a bunch."

Yagi asked, "Why do you want the PONG monument?"

Kazuto said, "It's just a white marble rectangular tablet!"

The Brain explained, "It's actually a huge rectangular block, with the transparent view inside of an exact scene of the game of Pong, or _Color TV-Game 15_ , complete with 4-bit graphics and lifelike paddles and LED numbering, etched in stone and marble."

Mayura said, "Maybe so, but _they_ wanted it for tourism! I needed it to save people's lives!"

Yagi asked The Brain, "You?"

The Brain replied, "Actually, I am a lab mouse, who is devising a plan to take the Game 15 Monument, all for my upcoming schemes to take over the world. And also, I figured I buy a gift for Miz-K and his wife, Hasebe."

Muscle Man said, "Me? I just want it for the park. And the Square Enix, too… All your PONG will belong to us!"

Yagi said, "Why don't you divide it, equally?"

The Brain said, "It is one of the Alternate World's famous landmarks and monuments. We cannot go about, vandalizing and defacing a prized national treasure."

Muscle Man barked, "I want the part with the paddle going PONG!"

Kazuto said, "I call dibs on the ball!"

Muscle Man barked, " _I_ wanted the ball!"

Yagi said, "Okay, how's this? Iizuka gets the ball, the mouse gets the left paddle, and Governor Sorenson gets the right paddle and the middle line."

Mayura whined, "But I would get the numbers, too!"

Yagi debated, "All right. I'll throw in the black background, and the green PC background, but that's my final offer."

Mayura cried, "But I hate the modern-day reboots!"

The Brain shouted, "See? It never works, once you divide it into pieces!"

Mayura said, "You know, once I have that monument, it'll be symbol for saving and spending money, throughout the land! And also, to dismantle the Akira Takano Fembot!"

The Brain barked, "Akira Takano is _not_ a humanoid android!"

Mayura corrected, "Uh, yeah. Why do you think she can't swim?"

Yagi asked, "Iizuka, you rememb-?"

Kazuto cleared his throat, "AHEM!"

Yagi corrected, "Sorry. Your most omnipotent leader of all of the Big Blue Mother Earth, Iizuka… You remember Akira Takano in the AAW Files?"

Kazuto said, "Vaguely… I never got to finding out her secret. Now… Kiss my ring."

The Brain huffed, "Say it again, and remind me to hurt you, later."

Kazuto said, "You'll have to speak with Superball, my bodyguard…"

She asked him, "He's _still_ here?"

"He just loves that do so much, I'm liable to have a law made for marrying it."

Superball stated, "I don't need matrimony for this door. I _am_ married, unfortunately… to my job."

Yagi asked Superball, "I see. Anyway, are you still considering AAW?"

Superball said, "I showed my résumé to Miss Kanaka Nanase, earlier. I'm expecting a call, ma'am."

Yagi said, "You know, this whole debate has been going strong, seeing you three going at it."

The Brain said, "Yes! As Governor of the Square Enix, it is my duty to make the video game world in a fair and unjust manner. I was to be nominated for President, but NO mouse can become a founding father to the country. Pinky was once president, but he left the position, after caring for me. So, I decided to have them rule over me… and make the Chocobo the national bird for the Square Enix World."

Muscle Man said, "Not me, bro. I'm in Retro City, and I outlawed the gun violence and gang banging. After ISIS was disbanded, recently, due to their lease expiring, they relocated their business to parts unknown. And to add, I even instituted a huge chain of burrito and hot wings diners."

Yagi asked, "And for the politics?"

Muscle Man replied, "Everything. This about conducting many safe buildings, like hot wings joints, hot dog stands, hot dog factories, ranches, farms, schools, malls, hospitals, retirement homes, and even the bowling alley on Smith and Weston!"

Mayura snuffed, "There is NO Smith and _Wesson_!"

Muscle Man said, "Ooh, right… I think it was Smith and Westport."

The Brain asked, "Didn't that place tore down?"

Kazuto added, "After the outbreak of ants in the pants?"

Muscle Man said, "Well, it wouldn't have, if someone didn't leave their sugary sweets on the floor! I don't do that! I eat at home, sucking on those tasty barbecue wings."

Mayura huffed, "Is that all you ever think of?"

She said, "Seriously, he doesn't. That is why I have Setsuna as my vice governor… Brain has Pinky, while Muscle Man has my Seina-Bot."

Muscle Man smirked, "Snooze you lose, loser. That hot robot is _my_ … acting secretary. _Starla's_ my vice governor."

Mayura barked, "AND THIS is why we can't have nice things! That, and your sugary sweets on the floors causes ants!"

Yagi replied, "I guess the government has become a two-to-three-man rule, depending on your role."

She asked Kazuto, "So, Mister President, what should you do, aside from this? Aren't you forgetting why I am here?"

Kazuto asked, "To find a mission in the Lincoln Monument?"

Yagi barked, "NO, YOU IDIOT! About the 50-foot Jake Monster that is terrorizing the nation's capital! Kanaka gave us _strict_ orders to stop the beast that has, SPOILER ALERT, killed his ex-wife, digesting her into his gut, and is bringing Tohru Honda's evil spirit back, as does the previous crap she has done!"

Kazuto said, "I'm aware of that… But it's just Superball wouldn't let me in!"

Superball explained, "He is right, ma'am. The War Room is sealed shut, unless there is a war going on. So far, there was no war."

Yagi asked, "When was the last war?"

Superball explained, " _Season One_ of _"Miyazawa & May_". It was a bloody battle, featuring the _Lucky Star Association,_ ma'am. There was no war, ever since. And yes, I read the script."

Yagi said, "Interesting. How about a tour of the office, by the way? The High King of Earth wills it so."

Superball rebutted, "I can't do that, ma'am. Orders."

Yagi cried, "But one agent used the door, recently!"

Superball corrected, "The agent that carried ex-President Nixon away had the master key. He hasn't returned, since. It's the only key, ma'am."

Yagi growled, "Damn! Remind me to call Percival, and get the Master Key back."

Kazuto called out, "Okay, Yagi, head to the camera. It's time for my _State of the Union Address_."

Yagi ran to the camera and said, "Oh, right. Okay, little buddy. GO!"

Kazuto said to the camera, as he said, "Greeting, America, and all the other 80-plus countries, and thousands of alternate worlds. Didn't expect to see you here. As you know, I am President of Earth, Kazuto Iizuka, ruler of your quaint little blue ball. (Hi, Narue~!) Our borders stretched from the beautiful coasts of California, to not exactly beautiful, but still pretty nice coasts of the Atlantic Ocean and the beaches of Ireland. At least they do, now. I'm working with my executive staff, Miss Yagi, to see about getting us a little more room to work with, if you catch my drift. But don't you worry your pretty little heads about that. For now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. I'm still new to the whole "Leader of the Planet" thing, and there's still a lot a process. Did you know that there are a ton of small micro-countries in the world that nobody knew about? They're full of corn, or something. Hell if I know! But we're still learning. So, until we get all the kinks worked out of this matter, and to the administration, it'd be a big help, if everybody could stop criticizing the government, and just do whatever we say, for now. We cool? Fantastic. Also, some of you have called in to complain about the Onigiri-laced giant monster of Jake Morgendorffer rampaging through the DC area, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. Politicians, huh? What are you going to do? Rest assured, I have got my top men on the problem, that's _Top Men_ , and we're working on a way to bring this big nasty political unpleasantness to a swift, violent, and final conclusion. Until then… better get the _Serious_ toothpaste!  
So, save all your government-type complaints until _after_ we're done with the crisis. We _do_ have a back-up plan for this. Honest! Stay righteous, Earth!"

Yagi huffed, "Mr. President… _We're_ the ones who is stopping the gigantic Jake Morgendorffer."

Kazuto said, "I knew that."

Yagi said, as she held up a Secretary Ribbon, "Hmm, what's this?"

Kazuto said, "There's like tons of these in the office, so I pilfered one."

She replied, "You know… Since you're president, you can appoint someone as secretary."

Kazuto responded, "Good thinking. I was thinking of giving Harley and Kirsten their promotions from C-Squad."

"That's not how it works."

"Oh, trust me. We're doing this mission, but we _got_ to get into that war room!"

Yagi said, as she looked at Superball, "Well, I think I know who the lucky person is… so we can increase his credentials."

She turned to Superball and gave him the red ribbon. She saluted, as Superball asked, "What is the occasion, Ma'am?"

Kazuto announced, "Agent Superball, on behalf of AAW, we have decided to award you, for your excellent service to your country, for your unwavering commitment to preventing us from being where we most desperately needed to be, and for your unerring devotion to being a constant hindrance in our task, for all these things, we have dubbed thee, Superball…  
 _Secretary of the Interior!_ "

Yagi said, "We already have one of those."

He announced, " _Secretary of the_ _Exterior_ _?_ "

Yagi snuffed, "Nah. We have one of those, too."

"Fine. _Secretary of the_ _Posterior_ _._ "

Yagi snickered, as she smiled, "He, he. That's better."

She announced, "All hail Iizuka."

She said, "Secretary Superball, take a memo."

Kazuto said, "To: the people of Earth  
We know what you have been doing. Cut it out!  
Hugs, from your arsenal wielding leader, etc., etc., Kazuto Iizuka."

Yagi asked, "Did you get all that?"

Superball said, "No pencil, ma'am."

She responded, "Then, we'll try again, later."

"Very well, ma'am."

He asked, "By the way, any news on joining AAW, since the president is a high-ranking agent?"

She said, "Well, I'll give Kanaka a call…"

Kazuto said, "Already taken care of. Secretary Superball, you should go to AAW HQ, at this address."

Yagi gave him the address, as he concluded, "Permission to weep openly, sir."

Kazuto barked, "Permission denied! Do it in the office. Not just granted, but encouraged. Go for it, bro."

Superball left, as Yagi said, "The forces of Bureaucracy win again…"

Kazuto smiled, "I love this country."

 **XXXXX**

Hours later, at the Oval Office, the governors of the recovering Video Game World continued to rabble on.

Mayura barked, "Why should _I_ want the numbers? Shouldn't we have this idea to own the PONG statue, as a whole, during the desert area in the Minecraft World?"

Brain replied, "No. Pinky would just be killed by one of those Creepers."

Mayura then said, "AACH! Again with the Creepers! I'm overrun with goddamn lizards!"

Brain said, "Correction – goddamn _exploding_ lizards."

Muscle Man jeered, "Tough one, pops. But you cannot take what you see."

Mayura barked, "POPS?!"

Setsuna appeared, as Mayura said, "Vice Governor Sakurazaki! Do something about these losers! KILL THEM!"

Setsuna placed the remote down and adjusted her black-haired side-ponytail. She said, "Sorry, Ma'am. But I am only allowed to shoot down cows, chickens, and pigs, only for your lovely duties. Besides, Minecraft citizens got to eat. The Steak count is going high, and those chickens can't stop laying eggs."

Pinky appeared from her blouse and cheered, "Brain~! Did we win? ZORT!"

Brain barked, "Quiet, Pinky! I'm about close to obtaining my plan to take over the world."

Setsuna scolded, "You _won't_ take over the world, whilst _I'm_ around!"

Brain replied, "You are _Vice Governor_ of a neighboring country in the Video Game World. You cannot."

Seina walked by, in a blue dress, as she beeped, "Miss Mayura, hello~! I came to deliver you lunch, as a way of peace."

Muscle Man yelled, "SEINA! You're _my_ property, in Retro City!"

Mayura said, "Uh, no, thanks. But leave it by President Iizuka's desk."

Seina said, "I hope you like it, Mayura. It's Muscle Man's Hot Wing Surprise, with your favorite ingredient, oregano, honey mustard, and sweet onion sauce."

Kazuto gagged, "Ew…"

Mayura moaned, "Maybe at night. That stuff made me sleepy and very confused."

Seina beeped to Kazuto, "It's a way to relieve stress from Mayura's budget problems."

Mayura said, "After that fiasco with Nixon, money hasn't been growing large. Unfortunately, Minecraft only accepts materials, instead of money. _Emeralds_ is the new currency, though. But having to buy DLC for the land, it's chump change."

Yagi asked, as she was in her desk, "Uh, Governor Ichikawa, does the combination of oregano and honey mustard affect you in any way?"

Mayura huffed, "It's _not_ the spices and tasty condiments… It's the meat in it. Seina-Bot, since I owned her, can make me a tasty pork and cheese sandwich, rich with spices. It is a way of relaxing myself."

Yagi stated, "More like a way of making a mess in your colon."

Mayura huffed, "Shows what you know…"

Pinky asked, "EGAD, Brain! Pork and cheese! Oh, I wish I had a sandwich like that!"

Brain said, as he raised his fist up, "You already had a sandwich."

 **BONK!  
** He bopped Pinky in the head. Kazuto laughed, "Oh… I get it. A _knuckle_ sandwich!"

Brain barked, "Now, quiet, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you."

Muscle Man said, "Well, I suppose it's better than-. HEY! You said it was my Hot Wings Surprise!"

Seina said, "That's the surprise… the Hot Wings are in the sandwich."

Muscle Man laughed, "Neat. But are they boneless?"

Seina said, "Already _deboned_ them~!" and then winked.

Mayura huffed, "Great… My day is shot."

Setsuna said, "Don't worry, ma'am. We shall eat, after we settle the PONG conflict."

Mayura whined, "Aw… I'm hungry, NOW!"

Kazuto demanded, "SHEESH! Couldn't you just take _one_ damn bite! It's just a damn sandwich with wings!"

Muscle Man shouted, "BRO! Urk, I mean, Mr. President, don't question my friend/vice governor's culinary cooking!"

Mayura takes out the sandwich, as it was a meat sandwich, on a pretzel bun. She took one bite and nodded.

Kazuto groaned, "Oh, the sandwich shops of horror!"

Yagi asked, "Is it because it's too fattening or gross-looking?"

Mayura cried, "NOT while I'm eating!"

Kazuto barked, "NO! I am just disgusted that she used a pretzel roll for the sandwich!"

As she swallowed, Brain continued to lecture, "Everyone, as you can plainly see, one of us must own this PONG statue, and use it to maintain its rightful glory in the AUs. My advice on this is to construct an anti-matter cloning device, through molecular construction, capable of reproducing materialistic items, and also for making the world a peaceful utopia."

Seina asked, "Excuse me… but permit me to ask… Wouldn't that just make carbon copies of the monument?"

Mayura barked, "Hey, yeah… URP! Excuse me…"

She felt drowsy, as Setsuna replied, "Miss Ichikawa feels that she'd prefer the genuine article."

Muscle Man said, "No, it's fine. But I say we settle this… inside the game room! Last one standing, wins it all! In the video game world, we can die down and become lifeless. But our assistants must revive us, just so how much you guys suck at it! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

Brain thought, "Virtual reality action… Hmm…"

He asked Pinky, in a conference, "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Pinky said, "I think so, Governor Brain, but Subway says to _eat fresh_ , does that mean you eat it in front of the table?"

Brain huffed, "No, Pinky… It's witty remarks makes me glad that you're a former U.S. President, and me a former Presidential Candidate."

Pinky said, "Thanks, Brain. I have a good way of teaching. NARF!"

Brain explained, "Pinky, once we own the PONG Monument, we could have visitors view reenactments, using virtual reality motion, thereby casually having visitors experience Pong, firsthand."

He pondered, "Now, if only I can think of a way to make them obey me, in a scheme to take over the world…"

Mayura felt uneasy, as she spoke in a fast-paced slur. Setsuna did not understand her, but Yagi grabbed the remote. She pressed STOP, as Mayura froze in place.

"It's not like that… It's reallll-."

She bent down and froze completely. Yagi pressed PLAY, and then SLOW.

Setsuna cried, "What are you doing?"

"Lemme try something." Yagi said, "Here we go. Speed at 0.25."

Mayura bent up, as Mayura started to talk clearly, but very slowly. Seina asked, "Oh, no! Mayura?"

Mayura slurred, as she spoke, "So, I said that this PONG Statue is crazy… and he's all, "Nuh-uh!" I mean, really…"

Muscle Man asked, "Are you drunk?"

Seina said, "It's the sandwich. I think I put in too much sweet onion… the purple stuff."

Yagi stated, "I don't think it was purple onion juice… It looks like…"

She gasped, "Holy Jimmy Buffet, riding on a Hamburger Hill in Paradise City! This isn't onion sauce! This is ranch dressing! And not just _any_ ranch… This is _Duff Ranch_!"

Kazuto gasped, "The _same Duff Ranch_ that has 30% _Duff Beer_?"

Seina gasped, "AAAAH! ERROR! Mayura is highly allergic to ranch dressing!"

Setsuna yelled, "And you tell us now?"

Mayura flushed in a beet red look on her cheeks, as she slurred, still slowing down, "That sauce has more kic… HIC!"

Muscle Man said, "Now. Let's get back to the deliberation."

Mayura slurred, "What's the point? You still think Brain's virtual Enix idea is stupid!"

Brain asked, "Stupid?! You never told me that my idea was stupid!"

Pinky asked, "But, Brain…"

Muscle Man barked, "I never said that!"

Mayura slurred, "He said that having the Final Fantasy characters as monuments, playing the PONG Statue, was the _stupidest_ thing he'd ever heard! Plus, I think I'm itching…"

Muscle Man gasped, "WHAAAT? TAKE IT BACK! TAKE THAT BACK!"

Brain yelled, "I don't need someone to tell me that plan was a great idea or not!"

Pinky said, "Actually, Starla thinks he thinks it's stupid, Brain."

Brain scolded, "Quiet, you!"

Muscle Man sobbed, "WHAT? STARLA SAID SO?"

Pinky nodded, "Mm-hmm. And you agreed to it!"

Muscle Man gasped, as he was shocked. Brain barked, "Well! It's not right, at all! It _is_ stupid, which it's _not_!"

Muscle Man yelled, "Well, it is! I can't have the nerdy geeks fondling at the statue of Lightning from _Final Fantasy XIII_!"

Brain said, "Well, at least I didn't have the idea of having a huge cheese wheel, in the shape of a McDonald's restaurant, covering in honey barbecue ranch, unlike some tubby boys I know!"

Muscle Man seethed, "You little…"

Brain glared, "You big…"

Muscle Man announced, "Of course, you realize… THIS! MEANS! **WAAAAAAAAAR!** "

Seina gasped, Pinky cheered, "HURRAH!", Setsuna gasped, and Mayura moaned, "Uh, whaaaaa…"

Yagi pressed PLAY, as Mayura regained normal speed. She shook her head, as Muscle Man yelled, "You want the darn PONG Statue Monument, fine! But beat me… IN WAR!"

Brain cried, "WAR!"

Mayura groaned, "Ow, my head… That onion sauce goes right up into you…"

Setsuna said, "Well, before we map out war, I'll craft you a Potion of Allergy Medicine…"  
She grumbled, "…and a potion for hangovers."

Setsuna and Mayura left, followed by Pinky and The Brain, and then Seina and Muscle Man. As the respective members of the Video Game World's political party departed, the sign on the door shone in an LED red light, with the word " _WAR!_ " on it. Superball returned, as he was overjoyed.

(Music plays)

(Superball is in joy)

(Superball, in normal human tone): _What's this I hear?_  
 _What wondrous thing?  
Is this the DEFCON klaxon's ring?_

 _A flashing light…  
Above the dooooor!  
There's just one thing it could mean…_

War…  
(Kazuto & Yagi are confused)  
 _(Music increases, sirens are made)  
Oh, what is it good for? (What is it good for?)  
It's good for you! (Good for you!)  
It's good for me!_

 _Oh, War!  
What is it good for? (What is it good for?)  
(Agents): It strengthens the economy!_

 _(Superball): It shows the world that we've got stone! (We've got stones!)  
And carriers… with fighter drones (Voh doh dee oh!)_

 _War!  
Oh, what is it good for? (What is it good for?)  
It's good for you, it's good for me!_

The agents then appeared in a black background, dancing in a music break.

 _(Agents):_ IT'S THE CAT'S MEOW!

As they danced around a huge life-sized globe, the upper half opened up, showing a swimming pool. Four agents dived in and did a synchronizing number, along with Superball, emerging from in the middle, on a stone fountain.

 _(Agents): Voh do dee oh!_

They continued to dance, in a ritzy Broadway style.

The scene cuts to the American Flag, as Superball popped out, from in one the stars.

 _(Superball):_ HERE WE GO!

The agents did a chorus line, cheering on.

 _(Agents):_ HYAH! WOO! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Ooh, yeah!

 _(Klaxon sirens are made)_

They returned to the office.  
 _(Superball): WAR!_  
 _Oh, what is it good for? (What is it good for?)  
It's good for you! (Doo, waka-doo, waka-doo, waka-doo, waka-doo)  
It's good for me!_

Oh, War!  
 _What is it good for? (What is it good for?)  
Ohhh, it strengthens the economy!_

 _A lengthy battle's an incumbent's dream (Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh)  
Because you can't change courses… (Agents): in mid-stream!_

 _(Superball): For bombs (_ BOOM! _)  
and guns (_BANG! _)  
and so much more (_Napalm! _)  
We celebrate the joys of war, war, war!_

 _(The agents shuffle off to the War Room)  
(Agents): For bombs and guns… Oh! And so much more  
We celebrate the joys of WAR!_

 _(Superball shuts the door)  
(Music ends)_

As the music ended, Yagi said in disbelief, "Well…"

Kazuto said, "Let's _not_ do _that_ , again."

Despite their efforts, they got to make the War Room open. Now all that's left is Jake Morgendorffer… who is _still_ attacking all of the U.S. Capital. But at what cost?

* * *

Kazuto and Yagi headed inside the war room, as Yagi stated, "Now that we did the _wrong_ thing for the AUs, we'll clean up _their_ mess in the war. But first things first… We take down Jake Morgendorffer, before he destroys the cities."

Kazuto said, "Neat."

They sat down, as Kazuto called _all_ the AAW Agents in attendance.


	5. Chapter 5

At the war room, moments later, Kazuto and Yagi were in a conference, along with ALL the able-bodied members of the Alliance Across the World – President Iizuka, Hajime Yagi, Carl, Shizuo Heiwajima, Mami Honda, Farra Stevens, Steven Cooke, Harley Hartwell, Kirsten Thomas, Freddie, and Agent Superball.

Harley called out, "How goes the war in the Video Game World?"

Farra said, as she viewed the monitor, "The civil war of the VG Worlds is escalating."

Steven C said, as he relaxed, "Let them thin out some moose, cows, and even some gold coins, by nightfall."

Farra replied, "No, douchebag! It's neck and neck. Lost a lot of good extra lives and casualties. We may lose the _entire_ Video Game World… _again_ …"

Mami responded, as she brushed her long brown hair, "How goes the Morgendorffer dilemma?"

Superball replied, "Breakout of destroying city is astronomical, ma'am. As C-Squad member, it is my duty to request a full-scale nuclear assault on the demonic former United Leagues Leader."

Kanaka was in the middle of the chair, as she bellowed, "Permission denied. We're going to have to find a way to stop this huge monster, once and for all, _without_ nuclear holocausts."

Shizuo threw the table onto the floor, smashing it into pieces. He roared, "DAMN IT! Let me at that monster! LET ME!"

Kazuto barked, "NO! It's too dangerous!"

Kanaka said, "He's right. As AAW Leader, I reques-."

Kazuto cried, "Hey, wait! _I'm_ President of Earth! I outrank you, uh, ma'am!"

Kanaka snarled, "Not in AAW Business, you're not, Old Man! You're _still_ A-Squad, and I'm _still_ the Boss!"

Yagi said, "She's right, Iizuka. Don't forget – it was _us_ that stopped Nixon's Head from an Economy Shield, it was _us_ that challenged Jake to an emergency election, and it was _us_ that made him… senile… and in rage…"

She sobbed, as she dropped her head on the table, "Sweet sideburns of Scott Armstrong… It makes it sound like that it was _our_ fault, Miss Kanaka…"

Kanaka said, "It _is_ , and _was_! You two got us to the war room, and now we will solve everything that will happen… including the _MESS_ THAT YOU TWO IDIOTS MADE! A-Squad… BAH!"

Carl yelled, "HEY! I'm standing right here! Blame someone, blame Yagi and Iizuka, freelance agents! They caused it, from the start!"

Farra said, "Hey, yeah! It _was_ their fault!"

Mami huffed, "Please. We're better than that. Besides, we can oust anybody that can best evil forces."

Yagi snapped, "Shut up, Agent Honda!"

Mami barked, "YOU SHUT UP!"

All of the agents, except for Superball and Freddie, began to argue, as Kanaka was angry. She slammed her fist down and whistled, "STAND DOWN! Agents Hajime and Old Man, you'll have to man this Jake Monster problem, yourself. Since it was _you_ that made this mess, in the first place, _you're_ going to have to end this, now!"

Yagi saluted, "Understood, ma'am."

Harley said, "We'll take care of the Video Game War debacle."

Steven smiled, "Good luck to you guys… We're all counting on you."

Kazuto asked, "Hey, Steven… Where's the rest of your B-Squad?"

Superball said, "Indefinite leave of absence, after a plan gone awry, sir. They'll come back soon."

Steven said, "They'll be alright, once the drugs from the botched plan wear off."

Yagi said, "We should outlaw those types of drugs, when we get back."

Kirsten then viewed on the monitor, "Hmm, I see that we have a view of the Washington Monument."

Carl stated, "Does it do _anything_ , other than make a dirty joke?"

Kirsten said, "Well… There's a huge red button, beside it."

Carl replied, "Oh, my god. You have got to be fricking kidding me!"

Freddie held his blackboard up and it said: _"What is it?_ "

Carl cried, "I fricking knew it! Someone press the button!"

Kirsten shivered, as she tried to press the button. She trembled, "I don't know… What should I do?"

Yagi said, "You don't have to be hell-bent on wanton destruction to work here, but it helps."

Harley shoved her away, as he pressed the button. Kirsten shouted, "HEY!"

She pouted, "Jerk."

The Washington Monument started to fly off and head into space. It then popped up another monument, as Carl shouted, "I knew it! I fricking knew it!"

Yagi said, "Amazing… It's like it is a nuclear warhead, heading to its destination."

Steven replied, "Here's the second monitor here… It's headed for the frigid wasteland of Antarctica."

The missile headed to the arctic, as Farra asked, "So, the Washington Monument is actually a self-replenishing supply of intercontinental ballistic missiles?"

Kazuto said, "It's good to see it used for something more useful than corny innuendo, for once."

The screen went to snow, as the monitor said " _Beacon destroyed_ ". Kanaka smiled, "Penguin flambé, anyone?"

Mami said, "I just wonder if it'll affect our friendly ecosystem. Moreover, I hope the penguins and polar bears survived."

Kirsten switched the screen, showing the city of Glasnost, Russia. The beacon, however, was disabled. She then said, "Aw, The Kremlin's beacon is turned off."

Shizuo barked, "Damn those Commie Bast-!"

The agents covered his mouth, as Yagi said, "I think you mean _former_ Commie bastards. You forget that Russia is now one country, and is in peace and solidarity."

Mami said, "Or more likely that they forgot to change the batteries."

Kanaka then replied, "Well, good. I think we can find something that we can try. Perhaps we should find a closest homing beacon, and then use it to destroy the evil Jake Morgendorffer… with a huge I.B.M.!"

Kazuto then said, "Then, we shall have a volunteer to accept this mission!"

Yagi glared, "Iizuka… I'm afraid no one is volunteering, out of spite."

Farra said, "She's right. But don't sweat it. Steven and I will find the beacon, but we'll need the location."

Steven replied, "You got it! We don't want the President of Earth to soil his hands on finding the beacon. We'll let you do the honors of destroying that fiend."

Steven turned to the 4th wall, "And let this be a lesson to you people… If your boss is to blame for all this, help him or her out, by helping out the cause, to make this world a better place."

 ** _~Learning_** **_and Growing~_**

Kanaka nodded, "Motion granted. Thomas, find the location of the next beacon."

Kirsten said, "On it."

Kanaka said, "Cooke, Stevens, we'll give you the pinpoint location."

Yagi announced, "I'll drive with the President, and watch the fireworks go off. On my signal, you press the FIRE button."

She called to Kazuto, "After that rampaging Morgendorffer!"

Farra and Steven rushed out of the war room, along with Kazuto and Yagi, as Kirsten found an area – the AAW HQ. Kirsten gasped, "THE FIENDS!"

Carl shouted, "Aw, come on! They were going to bomb us?"

Shizuo shouted, "COME ON! This isn't right!"

He seethed, as Kanaka called Farra, "Agent Stevens… Get this…"

Outside, Farra and Steven got the radio signal, as Steven said, "Aw, man… Steven Cooke isn't liking this. Our office has a homing beacon? WHAT IS WITH THIS MOJI MIKISA?"

Farra said, "We'll have to make it fast, before Jake destroys Washington D.C."

She raised her arms out and cried, "I SUMMON THE **BIRD WING!** "

Her arms turned into blue bird wings, as she floated upward. She said to Steven, "Steven, hop on! We'll take the airway to AAW HQ."

Steven smiled and said, "Roger, bluebird of the country! If Kazuto wins, he should make _you_ the Earth's National Bird."

Farra growled, "I oughta give _you_ the bird!"

She asked, as they flew off, "What do you say we keep this a secret from our friends?"

Steven said, "You're right. We _don't_ wanna ruin the surprise."

As they headed to HQ, Yagi and Kazuto, in their Dodge convertible, chased after the huge Jake Monster, as it was running around, roaring angrily, "JAKE SMASH! JAKE DESTROY! JAKE MAD!"

Yagi said, "Well, he wasn't hard to find."

Kazuto huffed, "Man, I blame myself for this one… We just follow the trail of empty promises and crushed dreams, and we're home free."

Yagi said, "Our lives are on the line, on this one. Hopefully, this could be the _last_ of Onigiri's devil essence."

He said, "Yeah. Truthfully, we did _not_ see this one coming, you know… on the grounds that Tohru Honda has been defeated, once and for all."

She responded, "And it's no wonder you're still president, little buddy."

He refuted, "Hey, I'm only president for hours, and it's already a tough job, balancing my first line of work, for political power."

She smiled, as they continued to chase after the monster. Yagi called out on the megaphone, "Attention, Jake Morgendorffer! Stop where you are and surrender!"

Jake cried, "YAAAAH! DAMN IT! I WON'T GIVE IN, UNTIL EVERYONE IS DEAD!"

Yagi said, "He's a testy little consultant, isn't he?"

Jake roared, "I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!"

Kazuto called out on the megaphone, "Jake Morgendorffer! This is your President of Earth! Surrender peacefully, or you'll be sorry!"

Jake shouted, "You're NOT the boss of me!"

Yagi replied, "Might as well. And to add, he's wrong. You _are_ the President of Earth, Iizuka."

Kazuto called out, "If you behave, we'll find you a job in my cabinet!"

Jake yelled, "UNACCEPTABLE!"

Kazuto shouted, "THAT DID IT! When Lemongrab sues you for taking his high-pitched war cry, don't come crying to me!"

Yagi said, "And we're glad he didn't accept it. It would cost a fortune to feed this guy."

Yagi stood on the car seat and called out, "Take the wheel, Iizuka!"

She aimed her gun at Jake's back and said, "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."

 **BANG!  
** She fired at Jake, but it bounced off his back. He gasped, "By the statuesque sexy wooden body of Kristy Swanson or Kim Cattrall! This guy's made of marble! Correction: made of marble and fueled with rage…"

Helen called out, from inside Jake's huge body, "That's right, Hajime Yagi!"

Yagi gasped, "Huh? It can't be!"

Helen was inside the body of a huge Jake Morgendorffer, as she boomed, "It's likely that I cannot win, but you two clowns ruined my plans! I _knew_ you'd try something, but I managed to harbor a stone monument of Jake, and use it to destroy the AAW, after what you did to me!"

Yagi roared, "Damn you, Barksdale!"

Kazuto asked, "Huh? You mean I became president, after beating a reanimated stone monument of a beloved United Leagues leader?"

Yagi said, "I'm afraid so."

He smiled and cheered, "BOOSH, BABY!"

She smiled, "I take it that you liked it, right?"

"Indeed. At least it didn't belong to a rampaging and conniving ex-lawyer."

"Well, I guess we failed to oust Onigiri, on account that she is _now_ completely gone. But we _still_ need to penetrate this stone body of Jake. Such science, misused for evil deeds and corrupt power. I hope Farra and Cooke find that beacon, soon."

Kazuto then asked, "Say, whatever happened to the _real_ Jake Morgendorffer?"

Yagi replied, "No idea."

 **XXXXX**

At AAW HQ, Farra and Steven were rummaging into their desks, looking for a small beacon. Steven asked, "Any idea where the beacon is located?"

Farra said, as she looked through the cabinets, "No. I wish we had a closer look at the office. However, we're not sure which office is which. It could be Mami's, it could be Harley's, it could be Freddie's, or it could be ours."

Steven said, "Or…"

They looked at Kanaka's office door and said, in unison, "In the last place to look…"

Farra opened the door, as Steven replied, "Steven Cooke didn't expect the beacon to be in Kanaka's office."

Suddenly, a missile was fired in D.C., as it went into space. The missile was about to hit AAW Offices, but a satellite pointed at the missile, with its metal laser cannon, and fired a bright red laser at the missile, destroying it. They heard the boom and asked what it was. Kirsten was on the walkie-talkie, from Washington, as she giggled, "My bad. I think I destroyed you all."

Harley replied, "Unfortunately, the missile was detected by our _Anti-Missile Satellite Tracking Device_."

Yagi overheard it and said, "Well… At least we're well-protected."

Steven yelled, "Call your shots, next time!"

Kazuto said, " _Next time_ , remove the beacon in our offices. Ex-President's head was being facetious about AAW."

Farra found the beacon, in Kanaka's fichus plant, as she said, "Found it! Now, _don't_ hit that button, until I give the signal!"

Kirsten snuffed, "Yeah, yeah…"

Kanaka called, "In fact, don't! NO ONE touches that button!"

The agents groaned, as Kazuto said, "I get to press it!"

Steven replied, "He does have a point, since he's President, now."

Farra said, "Okay. We'll be right out. Stevens out."

She sprouted wings and gave the beacon to Steven. She said to hold onto it, as she carried him away.

 **XXXXX**

Yagi and Kazuto returned to the streets, as they viewed the beacon, in Steven Cooke's hand. Yagi said, "Okay. Now that we have the beacon, we need to plant it on Helen Morgendorffer's Frankenstein Husband!"

Kazuto giggled, "Neat."

Yagi called to the radio, contacting Farra, "How's your ETA?"

Farra responded, "Have located the Giant Jake!"

Jake was still running, as Helen called out, "I WIN! I WIN! NOT EVEN HAJIME YAGI CANNOT DEFEAT ME, I'VE WON, FOREVER!"

Farra asked, "Ee-yeah… What kind of beef do you have against her, Agent Yagi?"

Yagi said, "I'll explain later. Right now, throw that beacon at her!"

The Dodge drove away, heading back to the White House, as Farra swooped downward.

She called, "Okay, Steven! I got the Marblehead on range!"

Steven aimed, as he said, "Fire away!"

He threw the beacon at Jake's back. It stuck inside his spine, as Jake reached for it. He couldn't reach it, since his arms were too short.

Steven laughed, "Steven Cooke wins this one!"

Farra flew off with Steven, as she said, "It's all yours, guys! Over."

Back at the war room, Kanaka said to Kazuto, "President Old Man, would you do the honors?"

Kazuto laughed, as he pressed the button, "Don't mind if I do!"

Yagi said, "AAW! Move out!"

Kazuto asked, "Why? Shouldn't we revel a little?"

Yagi replied, "We don't want to miss this."

The entire AAW Agent roster left the war room, as another missile flew off, heading to the Giant Jake Monster. Helen continued to revel on her victory, without noticing.

The Jake Monster roared, "ALL WILL DO MY BIDDING! I AM THE MOST POWERFUL UNITED LEADER MONUMENT, EVER CREATED!"

Helen laughed, as the AAW Agents followed them, again, "You fools! Once we have destroyed everything, you, Hajime Yagi, will pay for ruining my career!"

Yagi called out, "This is your FINAL warning! Surrender now, or-!"

Helen cackled, "NEVER! WAH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HAAA!"

Kazuto called out, as the missile arrived, "Okay… But don't say we didn't warn you!"

The missile struck Jake, and-.

 **BOOOOOOOM!  
** The statue was completely destroyed, as the Dodge convertible was still driving into the huge cloud of smoke. The smoke cleared, as the Jake Monster was reduced into a pile of powder, with his head intact. Helen was on the pile of stone powder, out cold and injured. The Dodge drove upward, and landed on all-fours, in a safe dismount. Carl, Freddie, Harley, and Kirsten held up scorecards, all saying "10".

"WOOO! That was better than feeding pie-eyed pikers laxatives on a parade day!" Kazuto cheered.

Carl said, "You said it, man! That was frickin' AWESOME!"

Kanaka smiled, as she said, "Well, Mr. President, Agent Hajime, I have newfound respect for you two! You guys broke _two_ presidents in _one_ week; all rogue and corrupt."

Kazuto smiled, "A personal best!"

Helen came to, as she gasped, "Huh? Where am I? Am I in Heaven?"

Harley appeared, with handcuffs, and said, "Nope. But _you're_ going to jail."

Helen gasped, as she ran off, "NO! You'll never take me alive! I'll be ba-!"

 **CRASH!  
** A portion of Jake's monument crashed onto Helen, injuring her. She groaned, "Ow…"

Farra smirked, "Heh. Good one, dude."

Harley cried, "I didn't-."

 **CRASH!  
** Another of Jake's marble pieces fell into the road. Farra said, "Well… At least it was a good one."

Steven said, "You said it, Eagle."

Farra huffed, " _Don't_ call me that… well, just as a codename."

Steven barked, "Cut me some slack! We're not even the _stars_ of this fanfic."

Harley asked, "Uh, should we dig her out?"

Farra said, "Might as well. I hope she didn't crush herself, severely."

 **XXXXX**

Helen was dragged off, into the AAW Paddy Wagon, as Kirsten jeered at her, "Not so tough _now_ , huh?"

Helen roared, "Just wait until I get out, so I can sue you for everything you own!"

Carl said, "Sorry, broad. We got all the proof to take you down. The government will let you out, for good behavior."

Kirsten added, " _If_ he feels like it."

The doors shut, as Kirsten jeered, "Loser!"

Helen started to bawl, as the paddy wagon drove off. As for Kazuto and Yagi…

"Well, once again, this country is saved… at least, for now, until _another_ bizarre AU disaster." Yagi remarked, as she returned to the car.

Kazuto said, "That's a great day to be A-Squad. Hey, let's go use this presidential power and force Zapp Branigan to be my personal and _permanent_ janitorial boss, so he can scrub my toilets, for the rest of his natural life. After all, the guy is _not_ an Earth Hero. I read the AAW Files that he caused numerous intergalactic incidents, but not before he destroyed many alien races."

Yagi replied, "Sounds fun. But _I_ was thinking we'd treat ourselves to some _Frosted Chocolate Malts,_ and then have ourselves a little target practice, down in The Smithsonian."

Kazuto laughed, "Thanks, Yagi. And _that_ is why we are _pros,_ and not _ants._ "

They drove off, as he asked, "By the way… What _did_ you have against Helen Barksdale, anyway?"

Yagi replied, "Well, little buddy, it's a long story, better left untold. But I should tell you that it involved her career as a lawyer."

She told him, "Helen Morgendorffer was prosecuting for a murder that a citizen did not commit. Her opponent was Apollo Justice, the protégé of Phoenix Wright, and she made sure that he'd lose, automatically."

"No!"

"Yes. However, before the verdict was made, I presented hard evidence to the court that Detective Gumshoe wouldn't take. Then, after the tape was shown, Helen was given a penalty, _and_ is stripped of her prosecuting powers."

"I take it that she paid the courts to make her win, and even the witnesses and detective to making it look like the murderer did it."

"No. As a matter of fact, Helen was caught making a phone call to the Supreme Court, asking to add herself, automatically into their seat of power, when she wins the case. The accuser of the murder was the Justice of the Supreme Court. That, of course, was illegal… and also stupid. It worked for that other guy in Illinois, and look where _he_ ended up."

Kazuto said, "The government _sure_ can be very strict, when it comes to _Instant_ seats of power. That's why I keep an extra seat warm, for the next lucky man or woman to be voted into the Supreme Court. I want them to feel the finest mahogany wood and memory foam pillows, for stern comfort."

Yagi chuckled, as they drove away, heading back to AAW HQ, "You crack me up, Iizuka."

* * *

 ** _The End_**

* * *

Meanwhile, in the rubble of the destroyed Jake Monster, Helen's headset was in the pile, still active and responding. A distorted voice called out from the speaker.

" _Special Agent Barksdale, come in… Query status – Jake Gambit… One-Seven-Oh-Niner… Query not acknowledged in time-limit parameter… Please respond… Error… Error… Error… Error…_ "

* * *

 ** _Thanks for Reading!_**


End file.
